Author Topic: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread  (Read 499 times)

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Offline Cheesicle

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #30 on: November 19, 2010, 10:01:49 PM »
0
When the "YEAAAAAHHHHHH" came on in the CSI link it scared the shit outta me

Offline Frank

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #31 on: November 20, 2010, 06:06:42 AM »
0
Whats the difference between a jew and firewood?

Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While driving at night, a man accidently runs down a young child. Devastated, he runs out of the car and begins to break down. He screams up at the sky "Why God? Why?". And God says nothing, because he's not real.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your dad is so fat that he is on a diet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why couldn't Ray Charles read?

Because he was blind.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this guy walks into a bar. He ends up getting really drunk and taking home a highly promiscuous woman. They both die from AIDS.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living?
He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walks into the kitchen to make a sandwich because she is hungry and she likes sandwiches.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between the suicide man and the virgin?

The suicide man wants to die, the virgin wants to have sex.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

"Here come the elephants over the hill."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks up to a bar, says to the bartender "Hey, can I get a drink?" The bartender hands him one.

Then he asks for another.

And another.
And another.

Then the dude's driving home pretty slammed, and he's mumbling some weird words and stuff, and then he crashes into a tree on the way to his house and is killed on impact.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why did the dinosaur eat the baby?
A. He didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a horse that drinks a lot, carries a shotgun and a urge to kill your family?

Whatever you want, he's a horse, he doesn't really care about what his name is.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- I am an alcohol destroying your family.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a dog that's wearing an eyepatch. He says to the bartender "Hey, ask me about my dog," but the bartender is deaf in one ear and doesn't hear him. The bartender serves a woman on the other side of the bar first and by the time he gets to him, the man with the one-eyed dog has forgotten what he was going to say
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow your wish will come true!". Billy says "Ok mommy" and goes to sleep. The next morning Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!" The mom answered "That's because there is no God."

Offline Cheesicle

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #32 on: November 20, 2010, 03:43:14 PM »
0
Whats the difference between a jew and firewood?

Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While driving at night, a man accidently runs down a young child. Devastated, he runs out of the car and begins to break down. He screams up at the sky "Why God? Why?". And God says nothing, because he's not real.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your dad is so fat that he is on a diet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why couldn't Ray Charles read?

Because he was blind.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So this guy walks into a bar. He ends up getting really drunk and taking home a highly promiscuous woman. They both die from AIDS.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living?
He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walks into the kitchen to make a sandwich because she is hungry and she likes sandwiches.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between the suicide man and the virgin?

The suicide man wants to die, the virgin wants to have sex.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

"Here come the elephants over the hill."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks up to a bar, says to the bartender "Hey, can I get a drink?" The bartender hands him one.

Then he asks for another.

And another.
And another.

Then the dude's driving home pretty slammed, and he's mumbling some weird words and stuff, and then he crashes into a tree on the way to his house and is killed on impact.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why did the dinosaur eat the baby?
A. He didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a horse that drinks a lot, carries a shotgun and a urge to kill your family?

Whatever you want, he's a horse, he doesn't really care about what his name is.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
- Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
- I am an alcohol destroying your family.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a dog that's wearing an eyepatch. He says to the bartender "Hey, ask me about my dog," but the bartender is deaf in one ear and doesn't hear him. The bartender serves a woman on the other side of the bar first and by the time he gets to him, the man with the one-eyed dog has forgotten what he was going to say
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow your wish will come true!". Billy says "Ok mommy" and goes to sleep. The next morning Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!" The mom answered "That's because there is no God."

tl;dr

SECOND TIME I'VE EVER SAID THAT!!!! :DDD

-User Has been banned for this post. Reason: wat?  By: Xrain-
« Last Edit: November 22, 2010, 01:53:07 AM by Xrain »

Offline Xrain

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Offline Tiger Guy

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #34 on: November 22, 2010, 05:57:07 AM »
0
You know what happened with your mom and I last night?

I fucked her very hard
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Offline Frank

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #35 on: November 22, 2010, 06:05:37 AM »
0
You know what happened with your mom and I last night?

I fucked her very hard
You know what happened with your dad and me last night?

Nothing, because we live farther than 5,000 kilometres from each other and don't even know about each other's existance.

Offline Rocket50

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #36 on: November 22, 2010, 08:15:36 AM »
0
3 gays walk into a bar and there is only one stool, how do they all sit?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #37 on: November 22, 2010, 08:21:23 AM »
0
3 gays walk into a bar and there is only one stool, how do they all sit?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
That one actually made me laugh.
Youtube

10:27 PM - Sabb: are you litter trained

Offline ursus

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #38 on: November 22, 2010, 09:54:49 AM »
0
3 gays walk into a bar and there is only one stool, how do they all sit?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Another that I heard when I was 10...

My point is that these jokes probably were all originally used by 5th-graders.

Offline Rocket50

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #39 on: November 22, 2010, 12:04:20 PM »
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Another that I heard when I was 10...

My point is that these jokes probably were all originally used by 5th-graders.
Heres one I learned in grade 3....

A 6 year old kid goes into the kitchen, and sees that his mother is chopping carrots. She accidently cuts her finger "FUCK!!"

"What does that mean mommy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh, chopping carrots!"The mother answers

The kid walks into the bathroom and the father is shaving, "Shit!" The father has accidently cut his face with the razor.

"What does that mean daddy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh... Shaving!" The dad answers

The kid walks into his sister's bedroom and she is talking on the phone, "That bitch!"

"What does that mean" The kid asks.

"Uhh, it  means grandma and grandpa!" The sister answers

A little later, grandma and grandpa shows up at the door, the kid comes there to greet them "Hello bitches! Mom is fucking in the kitchen, and dad is shitting in the bathroom!"

Offline Cheesicle

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #40 on: November 22, 2010, 02:08:07 PM »
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Heres one I used in 2nd grade

There is a boat full of cats. One cat jumps into the water and drowns. All the cats died. Why?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Offline Devie

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #41 on: November 22, 2010, 02:44:01 PM »
+2
Heres one I used in 2nd grade

There is a boat full of cats. One cat jumps into the water and drowns. All the cats died. Why?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

that's .... by far,... the worst I've heard...

Offline Seb

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #42 on: November 22, 2010, 05:09:50 PM »
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Heres one I learned in grade 3....

A 6 year old kid goes into the kitchen, and sees that his mother is chopping carrots. She accidently cuts her finger "FUCK!!"

"What does that mean mommy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh, chopping carrots!"The mother answers

The kid walks into the bathroom and the father is shaving, "Shit!" The father has accidently cut his face with the razor.

"What does that mean daddy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh... Shaving!" The dad answers

The kid walks into his sister's bedroom and she is talking on the phone, "That bitch!"

"What does that mean" The kid asks.

"Uhh, it  means grandma and grandpa!" The sister answers

A little later, grandma and grandpa shows up at the door, the kid comes there to greet them "Hello bitches! Mom is fucking in the kitchen, and dad is shitting in the bathroom!"

What the fuck of a kind of elementary school did you go to?
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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #43 on: November 22, 2010, 06:16:48 PM »
0
What the fuck of a kind of elementary school did you go to?


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Offline Cheesicle

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Re: Unofficial Really Bad Joke Thread
« Reply #44 on: November 23, 2010, 12:23:57 AM »
0
Heres one I learned in grade 3....

A 6 year old kid goes into the kitchen, and sees that his mother is chopping carrots. She accidently cuts her finger "FUCK!!"

"What does that mean mommy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh, chopping carrots!"The mother answers

The kid walks into the bathroom and the father is shaving, "Shit!" The father has accidently cut his face with the razor.

"What does that mean daddy?" The little kid asks

"Uhh... Shaving!" The dad answers

The kid walks into his sister's bedroom and she is talking on the phone, "That bitch!"

"What does that mean" The kid asks.

"Uhh, it  means grandma and grandpa!" The sister answers

A little later, grandma and grandpa shows up at the door, the kid comes there to greet them "Hello bitches! Mom is fucking in the kitchen, and dad is shitting in the bathroom!"

I REMEMBER THAT!!!! HAHAH