˜ Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-***

˜ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

˜ Unite against togetherness!

˜ Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin

˜ If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...

˜ No fear! (NAME) is here!

˜ I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me

˜ Life's a *****. Be its pimp

˜ I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!

˜ A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts ˜ Save a tree, eat a beaver

˜ By the time you read this, you've already read it

˜ Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

˜ Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times

˜ I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly ****! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!

˜ Don’t steal, the government hates competition

˜ If you hate me, I love you too. It ain't my fault I’m better than you

˜ Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

˜ Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!

˜ The higher you are, the farther you fall

˜ Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end

˜ When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!

˜ What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!

˜ I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

˜ Not me, not now, maybe later...

˜ Life's a beach... Surf it up!

˜ Trying is the first step towards failure

˜ I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

˜ If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

˜ Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do? ˜ Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone

˜ I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!

˜ When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better

˜ To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems

˜ WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!

˜ I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it

˜ I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours

˜ Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question

˜ Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

˜ There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

˜ Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end

˜ When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!

˜ What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!

˜ I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

˜ Not me, not now, maybe later...

˜ Life's a beach... Surf it up!

˜ Trying is the first step towards failure

˜ I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

˜ If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

˜ Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do? ˜ Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone

˜ I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!

˜ When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better

˜ To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems

˜ WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!

˜ I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it

˜ I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours

˜ Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question

˜ Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

˜ There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

˜ Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

˜ When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

˜ Gravity always wins

˜ The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk

˜ There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise

˜ I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings

˜ Buy land, they have quit making it!

˜ Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts

˜ I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it

˜ Eat healthy, exercise more, still die ˜ Politicians prefer unarmed peasants

˜ Time is what keeps things from happening all at once

˜ Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition

˜ What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

˜ Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..

˜ Opinions are like *******s... Everyone's got one, and they stink

˜ Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me

˜ Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

˜ If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws

˜ I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun

˜ Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children

˜ Oh my god, you killed Kenny!

˜ Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it

˜ Statistics are used by people who have no proof

˜ Divorce: from the Latin word meaning "to rip a man's heart out through his wallet

˜ You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!

˜ If you act crazy all your life, they'll never be able to commit you

˜ In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king

˜ Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop

˜ I like to con and insult people, that's why I chose to become a Consultant ˜ Mental Health is overrated

˜ Be The Change You Wish To See

˜ All generalizations are false

˜ A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind

˜ This isn't school! This is Hell with fluorescent lighting

˜ The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common

˜ Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense

˜ Next week there can't be any crisis. My schedule is full already

˜ War does not determine who is right... but who is left

˜ If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance

˜ If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried

˜ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing

˜ In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamphlet look so calm?

˜ I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked

˜ Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left

˜ 3 words to ruin a guys ego..is it in??

˜ You can better lose a lover than love a loser

˜ I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right

˜ Women/Men are like public toilets, they are either taken or full of ****

˜ Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one ˜ Work harder: People on welfare depend on you

˜ Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity

˜ Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to the vet's office

˜ We came, we saw, we drank beer

˜ Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes

˜ You can trust the government, just ask the Indians

˜ Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday

˜ Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer

˜ Save water, drink beer

˜ Everybody makes mistakes, that’s why they put erasers on pencils

˜ Mom + Dad + beer - condom = me

˜ People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do

˜ Conserve water, drink beer

˜ The rich get richer and the poor get children

˜ Don't breed them if you can't feed them

˜ Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember

˜ Harassing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!

˜ Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy

˜ Don't lead me to temptation... I can find it by myself ˜ A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge

˜ The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

˜ Bad Spellers Untie!

˜ You must master your joystick, as a fisherman masters bait

˜ Those who know do not say, those who say do not know

˜ The road to success is always under construction

˜ I'm looking forward to regretting this

˜ 'Pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is

˜ Alcohol releases the inner retard in all of us...

˜ Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why

˜ What is a friend? 1 soul in 2 bodies

˜ There are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet

˜ If you tell someone you like people, they can't resist liking you back

˜ He/She who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, who has one enemy will meet him everywhere

˜ Misfortune shows those who are not really friends

˜ Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his

˜ True friendship is a plant of slow growth

˜ A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute

˜ Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods

˜ A friend who turns into a enemy has never been a friend ˜ A faithful friend is the medicine of life

˜ Friendship needs no words....

˜ The best personal mirror is the opinion of a friend

˜ Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend

˜ Two are better than one

˜ A true friend tells you your faults in private

˜ A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else

˜ True friendship never ends

˜ Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart

˜ Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty

˜ As long as forever, I will stay by your side; I’ll be your companion, your friend and your guide

˜ Friends are like condoms: they protect you when things get hard

˜ Friends are like good bras: supportive, hard to find, and close to the heart

˜ Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends

˜ Have no friends not equal to yourself

˜ It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them

˜ We will be friends until forever, just you wait see

˜ Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart

˜ A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out

˜ True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable ˜ Life without friendship is like the sky without sun

˜ Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never

˜ Friendship is a special kind of love

˜ Friendship is a horizon which expands whenever we approach it

˜ The secret to friendship is being a good listener

˜ One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives

˜ Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes

˜ My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me

˜ We are all alone until we accept our need for others

˜ A true friend stabs you in the front

˜ You're unique, just like everyone else....

˜ Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!

˜ Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

˜ Save a mouse, eat a *****

˜ Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-****

˜ Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow

˜ Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns

˜ Don't do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbors ain't!

˜ When you judge others you don’t define them you define yourself.. :-)

˜ The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?

˜ You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!

˜ Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

˜ If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

˜ Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!

˜ I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

˜ We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

˜ Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke

˜ As long as my boss pretends that I'm earning much, I'm pretending that I work hard

˜ An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!

˜ What do an Ice bear have after swimming? Snowballs!

˜ Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend

˜ Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one

˜ You know it's always business doing pleasure with you

˜ If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?

˜ I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

˜ One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

˜ When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better

˜ I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!

˜ 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not…

˜ I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet ˜ English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

˜ You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same

˜ If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you

˜ Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!

˜ I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

˜ ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!

˜ I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)

˜ Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters

˜ For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!

˜ I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not

˜ You and the bank own a very lovely home

˜ I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven

˜ I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

˜ Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

˜ You don't buy the drink here, you only rent it

˜ All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?

˜ Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question

˜ Superman is a travestite

˜ Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

˜ Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question ˜ Lower the age of puberty!

˜ God bless Atheism

˜ I drink to make other people interesting

˜ My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex

˜ An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but ****s instead

˜ A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't

˜ Anarchists of the world, unite!

˜ Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

˜ Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out

˜ Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss

˜ On the other hand, you have different fingers

˜ Who laughs last, thinks the slowest

˜ Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good

˜ I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

˜ I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it

˜ That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!

˜ Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

˜ I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea

˜ This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part

˜ First law of science: don't spit into the wind ˜ I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member

˜ If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

˜ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted

˜ If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

˜ Even hot girls have to fart

˜ I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it

˜ Do you got with me get lost? I know the way

˜ It was a brave man who ate the first oyster

˜ There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't

˜ Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

˜ If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!

˜ An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work

˜ Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks

˜ Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised

˜ I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on

˜ I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by

˜ Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door

˜ Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away

˜ A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings

˜ Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it? ˜ Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?

˜ I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!

˜ I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends

˜ Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone

˜ If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons

˜ Fat people are harder to kidnap

˜ If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

˜ Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you

˜ If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

˜ I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear

˜ We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture

˜ We don't have a town drunk. We all share the responsibility

˜ Passwords are like underwear: change them often

˜ Next time wave all your fingers at me!

˜ When it comes to baldness, it's not about losing more hair, it's about getting more head

˜ The height of laziness is a man is ****ting on the beach and waiting for the tide

˜ What do they call Bush his zipper? The "U.S. Open

˜ Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823

˜ Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"

˜ Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls ˜ Everyone likes a little ***, but no one likes a smart ***

˜ I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo

˜ The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

˜ Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later

˜ Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE

˜ Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage

˜ Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas

˜ If you don’t like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

˜ Be a Minimalist. It's the least you can do

˜ After working here, I now realize that "Dilbert" is not a comic strip. It's a documentary

˜ She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon

˜ Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ***

˜ I never appoligize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am

˜ Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest

˜ Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year

˜ Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics

˜ ***, Grass, or Gas: everybody's gotta pay

˜ It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man

˜ They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst

˜ We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms ˜ I don't like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times

˜ Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

˜ I must confess, I was born at a very early age

˜ I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup

˜ I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own

˜ The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with

˜ I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

˜ I invented the cordless extension cord

˜ I can't come tonight, my tires got dizzy...

˜ Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife

˜ The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU

˜ 2 good 2 be 4 gotten

˜ Ur hot as fire sharp as glass u break my heart ima kick yo ***!

˜ Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

˜ To the world you are just one person but to one person you may be the world

˜ Is that a gun in ur pocket or are you just happy to see me?

˜ Don't hate the player, hate the game

˜ Love is when u don't want to go to sleep cuz reality is beta than a dream

˜ Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk by again?

˜ I'm loved by some, hated by plenty, but wanted by many ˜ *ToUcH Me* *TeAsE Me* *cOmE On BaBY * pLeAsE Me*

˜ Can I borrow your library card because I’d like to check you out!

˜ Kisses spread germs and germs are hated.....so kiss me baby!! I'm vaccinated!

˜ Call me anytime, I won't be home

˜ I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

˜ Sigh... (name) is in love with me

˜ I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!

˜ Love is blind. I know, because you don't see me

˜ Guys are air for me, and without air I can't live

˜ Aren't you tired? You're walking for hours in my head!

˜ If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right

˜ Stupid cupid... stop picking on me!

˜ Some girls/boys have 7 boys/girls for 7 days but I have one for always

˜ Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you!

˜ Love is like war..:: Easy To Start.. Difficult To End..And.. Impossible To Forget..!!

˜ Love Is More Than Just A Kiss

˜ Be smart, be clever put me in your heart for ever

˜ Love is like heaven but it can hurt like hell

˜ I Close My Eyes And Kiss Your Lips, Then I Go To Paradise

˜ Love is a Feeling that Lasts Forever.. ˜ You can fall in the water, you can fall off a tree but the best way to fall is to fall in love with me

˜ Roses are red diaments are plastic, I am great, you are fantastic!

˜ Don't love me for fun, love me for a reason .. let the reason be love

˜ You can win me ,you can lose me but try 2 never use me

˜ Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

˜ Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

˜ Love is a slow poison

˜ Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in

˜ Accountants are the best lovers. They can do it all night long and keep their balance!

˜ True Love is like ghosts, Everyone talks about, But very few have seen

˜ Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over

˜ Recommended for you: "Windows For Dummies"

˜ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode

˜ CATS HAVE NINE LIVES PEOPLE HAVE 1 MESS WITH (YOUR NAME) AND U'LL HAVE NONE!!!

˜ Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm lying

˜ Excuse me, but I think my karma just ran over your dogma

˜ You smell like the splashboard of an Indian urinal during mango season

˜ I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception

˜ Welcome to loser Ville. Population: you

˜ It's people like you who give scum a bad name ˜ I've had fun before. This isn't it

˜ Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend/girlfriend thinks so

˜ I dream about a monster, about you!

˜ Your village called, their idiot is missing

˜ Girls/Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright

˜ I'd smack you but **** splatters!

˜ It's not that I am anti-social. I just don't like you

˜ Harrasing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!

˜ You're the cum your mother should have swallowed

˜ If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?

˜ Now I understand why some animals eat their young!

˜ I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?

˜ Your eyes are blue your heart is red oh darling I love you in bed

˜ I like my sugar with coffee and cream

˜ Mean people suck, nice people swallow

˜ Those who hesitate, masturbate

˜ I'm so good in sex because I practice a lot on my own

˜ Sex is like Mc Donalds ........... I`m Loving it

˜ I love women. I love every bone in their body. . . especially mine

˜ Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them

˜ Sex with one person is great. Between six it's fantastic!

˜ Don't do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbours ain't!

˜ Before we make love my sweetheart takes a pain killer

˜ Bisexuality doubles your chances...

˜ If a guy masterbates, can it be considered mass murder?

˜ It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom

˜ Suk Me Till Im Dry, Fuk Me Till I Die, Puff Until Im High, Never Say Gudbyeee

˜ Having sex can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner

˜ ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!

˜ Sex is just like hacking. You get in, you get out. And you pray you left nothing behind

˜ Software is like Sex. Its better when its free

˜ Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk

˜ I would read Playboy magazine more often, but my glasses keep steaming over

˜ The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less

˜ I am always looking for meaningful one night stands

˜ If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all

˜ My wife/husband is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects

˜ Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's/boyfriend's house during a power failure

˜ I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women

˜ Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one

˜ It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on

˜ Accountants are the best lovers. They can do it all night long and keep their balance!

˜ I think I could fall madly in bed with you

˜ Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ***

˜ Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming

˜ Support wild life - vote for an orgy!

˜ Sex is Evil, Sex is Sin, Sins are forgiven, So Let's Begin!

˜ The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty

˜ Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

˜ Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips

˜ Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire

˜ We spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in

˜ Sex on TV is bad. You may fall off

˜ How many wifes/husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

˜ There is no such thing as a bisexual... just greedy people

˜ I know sex isn't love, but it's an attractive facsimile

˜ If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand

˜ To all you virgins out there. Thanks for nothing

˜ Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

˜ Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone

˜ Every hottie with a body needs a cutie with a bootie

˜ It's not the length, it's not the size, it's how many times you can make it rise

˜ Nice Legs! What time do they open?

˜ I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on your daughter

˜ Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"

˜ The three stages of sex: Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly

˜ Warning! Sex may lead to child support

˜ Can I offer you some sex in exchange for.... sex?

˜ EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man

˜ No matter how you shake and dance, the last two drops go in your pants

˜ World without men: No crime and lots of happy fat women

˜ Some people say "shoot" instead of "****." They can't fool me, man. "Shoot" is "****" with two o's

˜ There's too much blood in my caffeine system

˜ A clean house is a sign of a misspent life

˜ Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?

˜ It tastes like burning

˜ Take my advice, I don't use it anyway

˜ May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!

˜ Its a shame that stupidity isn't painful

˜ I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked ˜ Love me or leave me. Hey! Where's everybody going??

˜ Life is one of those things that most of us find very difficult to avoid

˜ On the road of life, don't forget to stop and eat the roses

˜ A honest person is someone you could play checkers with over the phone

˜ If I am what I eat then I am cheap, quick, and easy

˜ Men invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain

˜ Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Which is why I recycle

˜ We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse

˜ I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet

˜ We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd

˜ More and more of our imports come from overseas...

˜ If you're going my way, I'll walk with you.

˜ Should I smile, Cuz ur my friend, Or cry..Cuz that's all we'll ever be?

˜ No guy is worth your tears & when you find one that is, he won't make you cry.

˜ Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again....skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts!

˜ Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats not true, everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again

˜ If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart, a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever

˜ You laugh because im diffrent i laugh because you're all the same

˜ To the world your just one person but to one person you could mean the world

˜ DONT HATE ME BECASUE IM BEAUTFUL HATE ME BECAUSE YOUR MAN THINKS I AM

˜ DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME UNLESS U REALLY MEAN IT, CUZ I MIGHT DO SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE BELIEVE IT

˜ whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?

˜ A KISS BLOWN IS A KISS WASTED THE ONLY REAL KINDA KISS IS A KISS TASTED

˜ a peach is a peach a plum is a plum a kiss isnt a kiss without some tongue

˜ milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?

˜ Loving *U* is like breathing...how can i stop

˜ if yOu ReAlLy LoVe SoMeThInG sEt iT fReE, iF iT cOmEs BaCk iT's YoUrS, iF iT dOeSn'T iT wAs NeVeR MeAnT tO Be

˜ A MiLLi0n WoRDs Would Not Bring You Back, I Kn0w, BecauseI've Tried. Neither Would A Million TeaRs. I Know, BeCause I've Cried

˜ A MeMoRy LaStS 4eVeR NeVeR DoEs it DiE TrUe FrieNdS StAy toGeThEr AnD NeVer SaY GoOdByE

˜ A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

˜ Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream

˜ Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back

˜ If I could be anything I would be your tear, so I could be born in your eye, live down your cheek and die on your lips

˜ If you love me like you told me please be careful with my heart you can take it; just don't break it or my world will fall apart

˜ dOn't settLe 4 the oNe yOu Can LiVe wiTh...wAit 4 tHe onE yOu Can't Live WithOut

˜ NoThiN iS mOrE pAiNfuL Then ReALiZiN He MenT eVeRyThiN 2 u,& u MenT nOtHiN 2 HiM

˜ Don't push any1 to hard, if it's meant to be, it will happen

˜ I wasn't Kissing him, I was just telling his lips a secret!!

˜ do u believe in love at first site? or should i walk by again?

˜ Roses are red violets are blue god made me pretty what happened to you?

˜ NØ ØNE CaN TeLL Me WhaT Tø Dø

˜ GUYS ARE LIKE ROSES WATCH OUT FOR THE PRICKS

˜ ReMeMbEr mY nAmE * ReMeMbEr My FaCe * CuZ tHeRe AiNt nO oThA hOnEy ThAt CaN tAkE mY pLaCe

˜ I'm Loved by some, Hated by many, Envied by most, Yet wanted by plenty

˜ would you catch me if i fall..do you even notice me..at all?

˜ DONT WISH UPON A STAR REACH FOR ONE

˜ God created men first, cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!

˜ Heaven won't have me and hells afraid i'll take over!

˜ IT's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it

˜ God made mud god made dirt god made guys so girls can flirt

˜ God made coke god made pepsi god made (Name) so darn sexy

˜ All Good Girls And Boys Go To Heaven Thats Why I Wasnt Invited

˜ Don't hate the player, HATE the game!

˜ Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend

˜ The more I get to know guys, the more I like dogs

˜ Some day u'll cry for me like i cried for you ¤ Some day u'll miss me like i missed you ¤ Some day u'll need me like i needed you

˜ ¤ Some day u'll love me, but i wont luv you!

˜ Everyone who lives dies but not everyone who dies lives

˜ It's hard to tell your mind to stop lovin sumone when your heart still does...

˜ guys are like slinkies its always fun to watch them fall down the stairs

˜ *Star light ....Star bright .... where the heck is Mr. Right?*

˜ Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?"

˜ Fine guys open my eyes, smart guys open my mind but only a sweet guy can open my heart

˜ If u need space join NASA baby!!!

˜ girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!

˜ If ur nice, you can call me sweety. If ur sweet you can call me hunny. If ur hot you can call me tonight.

˜ Dream as if you'll live forever...Live as if you'll die

˜ ITS A GURLS WORLD AND GUYS JUST LIVE IN IT!

˜ A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey!

˜ If love isnt a game, then why are there so many players?

˜ ***everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge***

˜ Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile

˜ I'm like a butterfly-pretty 2c- hard 2 catch!

˜ ~*~One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions~*~

˜ *You can fall from the sky* *You can fall from a tree* *But the best way to fall* *Is in love with me*

˜ I'M ThReW W/ GuYz,ThEy AlL tElL LieS,ThEy BrAkE uR <3 n MaKe U CrY,LuViN gUyZ iS sUcH a SiN,hEy ChEcK tHaT gUy WhO jUs WaLkEd In

˜ It's not the size of the dog, It's the size of the fight in the dog!

˜ Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!

˜ only little boys who call themselves men say I love you, and don't mean it.

˜ Some times ur mind doesnt want u 2 be in love..but deep down u know you are....

˜ Do I Look like a grocery item to you?¿?¿? I see you checking me out!!

˜ If You Luv Me... Let Me Know... If You Don't... Then Let Me Go...

˜ *::--;LoVe iZ LiKe QuiCkSanD-dA DeEpEr u FaLL iN iT ThA HaRdA iT iZ 2 GeT OuT;--::*

˜ Ur HuGz N KiSsEz R LiKe ThE StArZ U LiTe Up mY LiFe wHeN tHiNgZ gEt DaRk

˜ Did u fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!

˜ *ThEy SaY tRuE lOvE hiDeS bEhiNd eVeRy CoRnEr...I mUsT bE wALkiNg iN CiRcLeS!!!*

˜ what's the difference between boy's soccer and girl's soccer? oh ya girl's make it look better!!

˜ Love is like sand, if ya hold on to it too tight.. It might slip away~!

˜ ¨*:·.PeOpLe ArE gUnA tALk BoUt u SpEcIaLlY wHeN tHeY eNvY u N tHe LiFe U LiVe...lEt ThEm..U aFfEcTeD tHeIr LiVeS...tHeY dIdNt AfFeCt UrS...·:*

˜ Did the sun just come out or did you just smile at me?

˜ Give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk

˜ *I wAnTeD 2 KiLL dA sExiEsT PeRsOn ALiVe ThEn I rELiZeD....oHh Ya! SuCiCiDeZ a CriMe!*

˜ Well if i called the wrong number, whyd you answer?

˜ There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

˜ Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!

˜ When I look at you my heart skips 1 beat but later that beat could mean a life time of tears wasted on some thing i knew i could never have!

˜ an angel is what i was meant to be thats why bein sweet come so naturally!

˜ Friends r like stars they come and go but da 1's dat stay r the 1's that glow

˜ ~If I could be an angel, I'd make your every wish come true, but I am only human, Just a girl who's loving you~

˜ How can you be friends with someone if everytime you look at them, it makes you want them even more?

˜ *I wish I may, I mish I might, be the one you wish for tonite*

˜ "it's quality not quantity"

˜ You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back

˜ You know your in love when the hardest thing to say is goodbye.

˜ you used to make me smile, you used to make me laugh, but now your attitude makes me want to yak.

˜ Don't be a guy, The world is full of guys.Be a MAN

˜ Love is ... Running into his arms, Colliding with his heart, And exploding into his soul.

˜ 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

˜ I know my calculouse it says U+ME=US

˜ FOR ALL OF YOU WHO TALK ABOUT ME THANKS FOR MAKING ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD!

˜ When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself, why isn't he taken?

˜ My heart was taken by you...breaken by you...and now it is in pieces because of you

˜ guys r pigs ...... n of course i always get the runt

˜ Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need.

˜ I can only please one person per day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

˜ A star fell from the sky, and I knew I cought it... then when I fell for you where were you to catch me?

˜ Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

˜ If love was a law i would be in prison for the rest of my life

˜ *U see, U like, U try, U fail...-mEaNwHiLe-...I see, I like, I want, I get!*

˜ Don't call me a GODDESS, Don't call me a QUEEN, Just call me the cutest PRINCESS you've ever seen!

˜ *spiteful words hurt ur feelings but silence breaks ur heart*

˜ *If The Only Possible Way We Can Be Together Is In My Dreams...Then I'll Sleep Forever*

˜ Love is like falling down... in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever<3

˜ ..WhEn A gUrL LoVeZ a GuY.. ..ThE SwEeTeSt ThiNg iN ThE wOrLd.. ..iS 2 HeAr HiM AdMiT ThAt He TrEaSuReZ hEr..

˜ If lovin' u is wrong- I don't want 2 be right

˜ I dropped a tear in the ocean- when I find it is the day I'll stop loving you

˜ Im sweet like suger, soft like suade, but unlike you i i never get played

˜ I AM JUST A GIRL. STANDING INFRONT OF A BOY ASKING HIM TO LOVE ME!

˜ *~*Be MorE CsoncerneD AbouT YouR CharacteR ThaN YouR ReputationN BecausE YouR CharacteR Is WhO YoU ArE AnD YoU ReputaioN Is WhaT OtherS ThinK Of YoU!!*~*

˜ I'm §uGaR & §piCe & EvErYtHiNg N¡Ce... b4 yOu Me§§ w/ Me... yOu ße§t ThiNk twiCe

˜ Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly