face fucking book.

[Devie]

those stupid like pages on face fucking book that are sometimes funny.

American kid: "You're from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?".
British kid: "Do you like, go to mcdonalds with Obama?".

In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30.

^ that is so fucking true.

Kid : Mom can I wear mini-skirt today ?
Mom : No !
Kid : Can I wear lipstick?
Mom : No !
Kid : Can I wear high heels ?
...Mom : No !
Kid : But mom! I'm 18 years old !
Mom : I know John , I know ...

Teacher: Is this made by humans or nature?
Me: It's man-made.
Teacher: NO! Never say 'man-made!" Women make things too...
Me: Like, sandwiches?

^ LOL'd

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

*girl look's at her moms drivers license*
Girl: Mom, i know why dad left you!
mom: Oh yeah, why?
Girl: Because you got an F in sex.

Teacher: What's the plural form of ox?
Student: Oxes?
Teacher: Oxen.
Student: Ohhh.
Teacher: What's the plural form of box?
Student: Boxen?
Teacher: ...

*Texting dad*
You: Hey dad, can I get some money for some coke?
Dad: Sure... is $60 enough?
You: Dad. It's $1.25.
Dad: Wow, the price sure went down from when I was a kid...
You: DAD! COCA-COLA?
Dad: Oh...

that awkward moment when you have 238793278934710974091273912748918q8394789347 tabs open and you can’t figure out which one the music is coming from.

sabb..

"DAD DAD!!!!! COME HERE
QUICK! OH DEAR GOD PLEASE COME!!!"
"WHAT!? WHO'S HURT!!"
"no one, there's a spider...please kill it"

lawl I do this with proudly

a mother walks into her sons room and glares
mum: I smell weed, have you been smoking?
son: Mum I'm shocked, how do you know what weed smells like?!?!!?!
mum:..... -_-' damn

k no more funny ones. I'll put up more funny ones cuz it's obviously deteriorating ._.
But I'll put more up when I find

[Frank]

lulululululullululul @ the school ones

[Supertoaster]

I saw a lot of those on the art of trolling.

[Foofoojack]

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

I LOLD

[ursus]

>send friend request
>a ride denied

[Jman]

>send friend request
>a ride denied

ikr 

[Sabb]

sabb..

Ohaidar.

Also, fifth one's the best.

[Don]

>send friend request
>a ride denied

>don't send friend request
>denied anyway
>god damnit

[Deacon]

Shit happens to me

>friend request received
>>send message "do I know you"
>we were best friends for years.........
>>"...I'm sorry I don't know you"
>oh. Ok.
>>I feel like shit.

[» Magic «]

I gave up with liking the shit I don't actually like now, It just gets annoying =.=

[Devie]

Time spent → in the shower;
25% -- Daydreaming.
25% -- Building up courage to turn off water and step into cold air.
20% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution.
10% -- Catching water in your mouth and spitting it out.
10% -- Contemplating the hardest decisions of life.
7% -- Washing hair.
3% -- Washing other body parts.

[coolzeldad]

Time spent → in the shower;
49% -- Daydreaming.
48% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution.
2% -- Washing hair.
1% -- Washing other body parts.

[Jman]

Time spent → in the shower;
25% -- Standing still and just letting the water warm up. I hate fkn cold showers so I just stand there and wait for it.

25% -- Building up courage to turn off water and step into cold air. One thing I hate more than going into a cold shower, getting out of a warm shower.

25% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution. Oh man I just stand there doing barrel rolls.

10% -- Catching water in your mouth and spitting it out. Omg I thought I was the only one who did this. Idk why, but it's a habit.

10% -- Contemplating the hardest decisions of life. I feel like the noise/feel of water helps thinking process.

4% -- Washing hair. Short hair so not much needed to clean it lol.

1% -- Washing other body parts. We don't want a dirty pingas 

[Frank]

lolololololololololol

all those shits, them be da truth

[Cheesicle]

"I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question"
"No, Microsoft Word, I DIDN'T spell my last name wrong"
"Saying 'What' but 1 second later realizing what they said"
"Deleting everything you typed because you saw the other person was typing"
"The teacher says work with a partner, I look at my friend, we both nod."

FUCKING LOL'D.







I also have 55 pages of cheese liked on my profile :>