Roommate Problems [serious discussion]

[Monorail Cat]

My roommate is getting on my nerves.  I'll tell it from the beginning.  He and I get along rather well.  We aren't necessarily good friends, but good acquaintances who don't fight.  We've never had an actual argument or major problem.  However, last semester he started bringing in what seemed to be a different girl every other week.  Though I thankfully have not seen it or heard enough proof, I can almost surely say they are fucking every time he has a girl over.  Our dorm rooms are not just a square room like some colleges; we have my section in the front and his section in the back, separated by a curtain and the bathroom area:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So thankfully it's private for them.  I couldn't care less what he does; it's his deal, not mine.  However, I'm not entirely comfortable with two people fucking while I'm in the room, or trying to sleep.  It may not bother others much, but I get extremely agitated by the idea of people having sex while I'm in the same room, and random noises such as kissing and quiet talk while I'm in my bed, attempting to fall asleep are very irritating.  After the first few times, I brought it up to him and asked if he could at least not do it while I was also in the room, and he first lied to me, saying nothing was going on.  A few minutes later, he comes back and tells me (paraphrased) "Ok, just don't tell anyone please.  I'll stop doing it while you're here, and ask you to leave from now on if I'll be having someone over." 

My immediate problems with this: 
1) You lied to me.  Thanks.
2) You expect me to leave when you want to get busy in our room?  This is practically where I live.  What, do you expect me to go sit in the lobby for an hour at 1am?
3) Do your multiple girlfriends not have rooms of their own?  Why can't you go over to them?  If it's because their roommates don't want stuff going on, ok: how do you think I feel?  You never even asked me in the first place if I was OK with what you was doing.

Well, after this confrontation, he pretty much stopped having girls over (to my knowledge) for a couple months.  He began telling me how much he disliked this school and how "psycho" the chicks here are (My bet is he wants a different school with a fresh batch of girls).  He has a very bad record with his girlfriends; none of the ones he's had here have lasted much more than a week or two.  He pretty much uses them for sex, and then thinks they are psycho when they want an actual relationship. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Last semester, there was this big episode between him and some girl over a shirt.  She "gave" him her sorority shirt one night she was over, and when they finished their "relationship", she wanted it back.  He refused to return it, out of spite.  They got in a huge fight and shouted in the hall and kinda destroyed some things.  All the while, I'm neutrally sitting here playing vidya games, while they are both talking to me when the other wasn't there, trying to get me to side with them.  I just thought "It's a fucking shirt, just give it back and make her shut up."

Well, just last week, he started bringing in a girl again, and from the noises, I'm betting it's the 'hump-then-dump' again.  My immediate problems with this:
1) You lied again.  You said you would ask me to leave, and here we are.  All three of us.
2) This semester is quite harder, and I'd love to be able to have a peaceful sleep.  Quiet down.
3) Bad life choices, roomie.

And so here I am.  Because he didn't keep his word on not getting busy while I'm here as well as notifying me beforehand, our contract is broken.  I know the general guidelines:  If you have a disagreement with roomates, talk to them first.  If they don't listen, talk to the Residential Leader of the hall.  If they can't solve it, talk to counseling, etc.  I'm asking you people what you think I should do.  From what I can see, I have three options:

1) I don't want to be an asshole and get him in trouble, but it is actually against the dorms' rules to have visitors after 1am on the weekdays (a rule which, understandably, almost everyone looks past.)  However, it would be an effective way to make it stop, at the cost of our own relationship. 
2) I could confront him again myself.  However, I wouldn't know what to say.  Also, because he lied to me, I can't trust that he'll follow through with anything I ask of him. 
3) I could let it go and let the jimmies rustle through me.  Seriously though, if I don't do anything about it, I fear I will only build up resentment and hate toward him.  It will add to my stress level, which is DEFINITELY not needed right now.

So as you can see, almost anything I do will result in either resentment/hatred for each other or awkwardness for the rest of the year.  Again, it may not seem like it would bother you if you were in my place, but to me, it's like a severe pet peeve.  If something really bothers me, I believe I need to fix that problem instead of letting it stress me out. 

If anyone has helpful advice, please give.  Thanks for reading.

tl;dr roomate problems.  read it.

[Frank]

Confront then report.

[TehHank]

Wear sound proof ear muffs.

[Monorail Cat]

Wear sound proof ear muffs.

I tried using ear plugs last semester, but I missed my morning classes because I couldn't hear my alarm

[๖Ϝцzsioᴎ]

I tried using ear plugs last semester, but I missed my morning classes because I couldn't hear my alarm

I think there's a vibrating alarm clock (kek) that attaches to your arm, don't remember what it's called, but it vibrates and shakes your arm when you need to wake up.

[blαh2355]

I think there's a vibrating alarm clock (kek) that attaches to your arm, don't remember what it's called, but it vibrates and shakes your arm when you need to wake up.

S-s-strap it to your d-dick.

In serious though,

I tried using ear plugs last semester, but I missed my morning classes because I couldn't hear my alarm

Maybe listen to music when you sleep and use your phone as an alarm? Probably not as good for a permanent solution though.

[coolzeldad]

Shit idk, what would I do? I think I would just wear sound dampening something, just enough so you can't hear, and have a loud ass alarm.

I wouldn't report him for having sex unless he was asking for it (complete dick to me etc); if that was the case i'd troll the fk out of him (play loud gay porn soundtrack when the girl comes over), then eventually report or something depending on severity.

Anyway, he's a douch and almost guarantee most of girls know it too lol

Also, could be worse, some roommate stories i've heard were pretty bad.

But yeah at this point, i don't think your guy's relationship will get any better so fkit

[○ Μαρία ○]

I would suggest getting an alarm similar to what my father got me awhile back which basically shakes your whole fucking room, but honestly you shouldn't have to resort to that shit because you can't negotiate with your living mate. If you've talked to him already and things didn't really work out, I'd honestly just report him and be done with it. If you don't even really have a relationship with the guy, it's not really worth the annoyance of tolerating him a second time tbh. He may be salty about it, but I mean he seems like a scum bag anyways, not really worth.

[Monorail Cat]

In serious though,Maybe listen to music when you sleep and use your phone as an alarm? Probably not as good for a permanent solution though.

My phone is my alarm already, and I don't have speakers or anything to dock it to.  Plugging in headphones to listen would not work, I've tried, because they will fall off in my sleep, and I won't hear the alarm then.

could be worse, some roommate stories i've heard were pretty bad.

Exactly.  I am very satisfied that we get along as well as we do.  And I'd like to reinforce that:  We get along very well, except for the small problem here.

If you've talked to him already and things didn't really work out, I'd honestly just report him and be done with it. If you don't even really have a relationship with the guy, it's not really worth the annoyance of tolerating him a second time tbh. He may be salty about it, but I mean he seems like a scum back anyways, not really worth.

One problem with reporting is that it would make me look like a hard-ass baby that can't handle things himself.  It's a relatively small college, where people see eachother usually twice a day.  The bigger problem is that it would make it awkwardly hostile between us, and we still have a whole semester to go through. 

Chances are, I will confront him one last time.  I'll try to put it as passive-aggressively as possible, but if he denies or does it again, then three strikes, he's out, and I'll report.  No more home-run for you (hehehe).

[○ Μαρία ○]

One problem with reporting is that it would make me look like a hard-ass baby that can't handle things himself.  It's a relatively small college, where people see eachother usually twice a day.  The bigger problem is that it would make it awkwardly hostile between us, and we still have a whole semester to go through. 

Chances are, I will confront him one last time.  I'll try to put it as passive-aggressively as possible, but if he denies or does it again, then three strikes, he's out, and I'll report.  No more home-run for you (hehehe).

I would suggest getting an alarm similar to what my father got me awhile back which basically shakes your whole fucking room, but honestly you shouldn't have to resort to that shit because you can't negotiate with your living mate. If you've talked to him already and things didn't really work out, I'd honestly just report him and be done with it. If you don't even really have a relationship with the guy, it's not really worth the annoyance of tolerating him a second time tbh. He may be salty about it, but I mean he seems like a scum back anyways, not really worth.

Obviously I can't just sit here and tell you to make people salty, but at the same time if you've approached him in the past about it, it wouldn't really make you seem like someone who can't handle shit; it's more like someone who won't tolerate bullshit. There's a difference. The last confrontation is probably a good idea, but if he continues doing it, whether he gets mad or not, I'd just straight up report him. Don't let people take advantage of your tolerance/patience and put your foot down.

[Monorail Cat]

Obviously I can't just sit here and tell you to make people salty, but at the same time if you've approached him in the past about it, it wouldn't really make you seem like someone who can't handle shit; it's more like someone who won't tolerate bullshit. There's a difference. The last confrontation is probably a good idea, but if he continues doing it, whether he gets mad or not, I'd just straight up report him. Don't let people take advantage of your tolerance/patience and put your foot down.

You make a good point.  Like I said, I'll confront and then report if he does it again, but thanks for that point.  I just hate doing anything that hurts my IRL reputation. 

[Xrain]

It seems like you are in dorms at the moment? Honestly if it were me and I felt the same way as you I'd just go to the residence office and ask to get a new room. At least at my school it wasn't really a big deal to get a different room if you were having disagreements with your roomate. The residence office will sometimes be a bit reluctant to want to move you, you just need to be persistent enough that it is easier to move you than for them to keep having to deal with you.

I realize that moving isn't probably the first chose for you, as moving is a pretty big pain in the ass. But to me things like this aren't really worth my time. You can usually get a pretty good feeling if someone would be willing to work with you on things, or if they are going to dig their heels in. If this was an off campus apartment I'd put up a bigger fight for it and work to resolve it more, but since it's just a dorm room I don't really think it's that big of deal to switch rooms.

Do you have any friends who's roommate moved out? It is usually easiest if you have a specific room you want to move to.





Alternatively you can just spread a rumor that he has the clap around campus.

[Monorail Cat]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It seems like you are in dorms at the moment? Honestly if it were me and I felt the same way as you I'd just go to the residence office and ask to get a new room. At least at my school it wasn't really a big deal to get a different room if you were having disagreements with your roomate. The residence office will sometimes be a bit reluctant to want to move you, you just need to be persistent enough that it is easier to move you than for them to keep having to deal with you.

I realize that moving isn't probably the first chose for you, as moving is a pretty big pain in the ass. But to me things like this aren't really worth my time. You can usually get a pretty good feeling if someone would be willing to work with you on things, or if they are going to dig their heels in. If this was an off campus apartment I'd put up a bigger fight for it and work to resolve it more, but since it's just a dorm room I don't really think it's that big of deal to switch rooms.

Do you have any friends who's roommate moved out? It is usually easiest if you have a specific room you want to move to.





Alternatively you can just spread a rumor that he has the clap around campus.

Hah, nah.  I'm pretty sure I'll be able to work it out with him one way or another.  It's a very small campus, so moving would be really difficult.

[Xrain]

It's a very small campus....

That makes the STD rumor easier to achieve

[Prox]

I think it is quite possible that he's just pretending to be a friend with you. Judging by what you've said about him, he seems to be pretty careless and selfish. If he's able to use girls like that then what makes you think that he can't be doing the same with you? After all, he already lied to you about this issue and it looks like there's going to be no sign of improvement. Obviously I could be wrong but you should think about it.
   If all of this bother you that much then switching rooms may be the only thing you can do to solve the issue. Another thing that comes in mind is that if some girl he fucks has a boyfriend you could tell him about it. Perhaps your roommate would change after getting beat up. It also makes me wonder what kind of girls go to your college that they fall for him like that.