So Shit With Me is Starting to Hit the Fan...

[○ Μαρία ○]

Fair warning, this is a bit of a rant and I apologize, I just really need to get this off my chest so feel free to read if you have nothing better to do:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So I am sure I've vaguely told some of you that I've been having some family issues, not all of you I told mostly because it is personal and I don't really have any intentions of going too into it. As of late things have really gone to shit, and I'm talking bad shit. People could be getting arrested, losing their jobs and theirs homes. This includes me. I could very well end up homeless by this summer because unfortunately I am the only child between my parents, all of my siblings are half siblings. So if I choose either side of my family I'm considered a traitor by them and honestly both sides have their own bullshit I don't want to deal with. I will probably be used in court, which will end shitty no matter how I look at it. Everything is fucking awful, I am pitted against both of my parents and both sides of my family more or less hate each other. All of our customs have been thrown out so we no longer celebrate Christmas or any festivity. I am so sick of everything that's happening and so god damn depressed about it I don't know what to do.

I mean fuck it's great to know that I was used as fucking leverage for one of my family members to break more than 30 different laws, even though I didn't do shit. They just used my god damn name and said I did it. We're talking black mail, extortion the whole nine yards, this is like some bullshit you see in a Spanish soap Opera. My sister with my nephew also decided she was going to bust the fuck out of here and she was really the only other person I could rely on but now she's moving back to San Diego with her family. All of my god damn family is moving away and I am stuck here having to go to a community college because I am a dipshit. This is all really hard and honestly the worst thought is that the only thing going through my head is that I wish I was dead, and I wish my mother was dead and my father so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit any more because it's god damn hell. I try to stay positive I really do, I try so hard to think on the bright side, but god damn it's just getting so bad it's really hard to see the positive in anything now a days. I'm sorry to anyone I've been hard on or insulted, you know I am not intentionally trying to be an ass, I can just be crude at times. And thank you all for the great times, really it's all meant a lot to me. I hope I don't have to go anywhere, but I really have no idea what's going to happen in the next couples months; all I can say is thanks guys for being my friends and my family. I am grateful for you all and for Cypher whose stuck with me even though this is some seriously lousy stuff. It makes me feel just a little less shitty to know I still have some people in my life who actually care.

[ٶȻhriʂ]

I have no idea how to respond to this or anything but jesus I hope it works out for you. Nothing's worse than your own family betraying you, especially when you're young.

[Prox]

Damn, that's really sad to hear that something like this would happen to such an optimistic and charismatic person like you . I really hope that all goes well for you and that one day you and your family will get together once again.

[○ Μαρία ○]

I have no idea how to respond to this or anything but jesus I hope it works out for you. Nothing's worse than your own family betraying you, especially when you're young.

Yeah I mean you have my sister's who more or less tell me to get over myself because "we went through a divorce too, and we were younger than you, we had it worst" like yeah please fuck off. I mean it's fucking great I am going to be 18, so my parents can't have some retarded custody battle over me (even though one of them is trying anyways?) but uh now I am forced to choose between my families, and if I choose one, the other one is going to shun me like I have the fucking plague, so it's just shit. I know that in the future things will maybe be better, but as of now I don't really see any good news, other than the person who could very well be getting arrested is only being charged with a misdemeanor so they will only have to go to jail not prison.

Damn, that's really sad to hear that something like this would happen to such an optimistic and charismatic person like you . I really hope that all goes well for you and that one day you and your family will get together once again.

It'd be nice, but one side of my family is known for burning bridges down badly so idk how it'll end up. I try to keep my shit together but I just feel so numb and emotionless all the time, I'm just glad I am not as depressed as I was about a year ago, that was some low stuff. I have some plans though, so hopefully everything works out. I thankfully have Cypher's family who has been very welcoming of me and treated me like I am a part of their family, and that has made this Christmas better, I just feel bad for having to burden their household. I appreciate your guy's company as well, this community means everything to me.

[blαh2355]

Holy shit I never knew it was this bad jesus christ. That sucks major dongula(?). I hope for the best and it seems better to just find yourself a home rather than dealing with your family shit, or maybe move in with cypher? I'm not in your situation but I hope you'll climb out of this giant bullshit that you're in.

[Tezuni]

If the circumstances permit, IMO, you should definitely make your voice heard with them as you have with us.  They need to know it's not fair to use you against each other and make you pick sides.  I feel like that is really reasonable, and you deserve better.  Family is so important, never give up on those who you know you care about deep down.  But don't let yourself get used either.  Just know that however it plays out, and however they react, it's not your fault at all.  Merry Christmas, I'm sure all of us here in rNd will be thinking about you.   

[○ Μαρία ○]

Thankfully some of my friends intervened and have been taking me away from my family a bit saying "I need some time away from them". I've been feeling better because of it, but I do also get the occasional sad moment realizing I will never get to spend another normal Christmas with my family, let alone anything since both sides hate each other right now. Honestly I've already been talking to Cypher about moving some where else because I do not want to be tied down by my family's bullshit. I told them already I don't want to have to deal with my parents and yet everyone wants to insist that I am the only real mediator, but they don't seem to realize how hard this is on me. Yeah my parents can walk away from each other with some financial scars, and my half siblings can finally say good riddance to their step siblings, but me? These people will always be my family and there is nothing I can do about that, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't think they understand that... There is so much more to the situation but as I said I don't really want to go too too in detail about it, this is just a really scratching the surface summary. I trust you people though, and I consider you all my friends.

I want you all to know that I am not looking for any ones pity, I am just kinda in a sour mood I guess and needed somewhere to vent to. I appreciate all of your guy's support. I hope you all had a good Christmas though, I am not currently staying at my house for Christmas but I hope everyone is having a good time. I'm trying to stay positive, and have a good Christmas. Don't drink too much eggnog