Fair warning, this is a bit of a rant and I apologize, I just really need to get this off my chest so feel free to read if you have nothing better to do:
So I am sure I've vaguely told some of you that I've been having some family issues, not all of you I told mostly because it is personal and I don't really have any intentions of going too into it. As of late things have really gone to shit, and I'm talking bad shit. People could be getting arrested, losing their jobs and theirs homes. This includes me. I could very well end up homeless by this summer because unfortunately I am the only child between my parents, all of my siblings are half siblings. So if I choose either side of my family I'm considered a traitor by them and honestly both sides have their own bullshit I don't want to deal with. I will probably be used in court, which will end shitty no matter how I look at it. Everything is fucking awful, I am pitted against both of my parents and both sides of my family more or less hate each other. All of our customs have been thrown out so we no longer celebrate Christmas or any festivity. I am so sick of everything that's happening and so god damn depressed about it I don't know what to do.
I mean fuck it's great to know that I was used as fucking leverage for one of my family members to break more than 30 different laws, even though I didn't do shit. They just used my god damn name and said I did it. We're talking black mail, extortion the whole nine yards, this is like some bullshit you see in a Spanish soap Opera. My sister with my nephew also decided she was going to bust the fuck out of here and she was really the only other person I could rely on but now she's moving back to San Diego with her family. All of my god damn family is moving away and I am stuck here having to go to a community college because I am a dipshit. This is all really hard and honestly the worst thought is that the only thing going through my head is that I wish I was dead, and I wish my mother was dead and my father so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit any more because it's god damn hell. I try to stay positive I really do, I try so hard to think on the bright side, but god damn it's just getting so bad it's really hard to see the positive in anything now a days. I'm sorry to anyone I've been hard on or insulted, you know I am not intentionally trying to be an ass, I can just be crude at times. And thank you all for the great times, really it's all meant a lot to me. I hope I don't have to go anywhere, but I really have no idea what's going to happen in the next couples months; all I can say is thanks guys for being my friends and my family. I am grateful for you all and for Cypher whose stuck with me even though this is some seriously lousy stuff. It makes me feel just a little less shitty to know I still have some people in my life who actually care.