"Nothing is futile".
The general consensus on "nothing", is that it means -nothing-, which means "nothing"... granted, this reasoning suggests that trying to do -nothing- will always result in "something".
A thing, if given that descriptor ("something"), must "mean something", and if all this wordplay is to mean "anything"... it's one of the little things whose interpretation can/must always give way to things of much greater meaning... or amusement. Or really, -anything-.
But never nothing.
I know that feel when it feels as if you really aren't living up to your standards. Your potential.
You just kinda kick back, float on by the creek on a inflatable duck, and never really anything. Act stupid, sometimes feel stupid because you never try. In fact, you're never encouraged to try. Lead to try, but never forced to participate. Easy passes, pats on the head...
You get by. And looking back, that was the scary part, because everyone else was scrambling to get where I was, which wasn't even where I could go.
That whole apathy scenario, or not feeling challenged enough, not feeling the necessity required to really bring out the big guns and shine them till they sparkled. Not a care in the world as to whether or not you answer the questions or do the extra credit, as everything feels repetitive and completely unnecessary. Look stupid, but feeling validated in looking stupid. Eventually, believing to some degree that you are indeed whatever specified level of intelligence people around you perceive from your inactivity and passiveness.
I find that this all happens because of unrealistic expectations, and an anxiety that forms over not being able to achieve them. That, and at this point in time it's almost impossible to know what, exactly, you want to do.
I'm going to sound like a broken record, but it takes time.
There could be other reasons, too. Life happens. A lot of people have been there.
And I could never have known that, then. It'd be exceptionally unfair to have assumed all of those wonderful things of myself, and I want to consider the same of you. We all can't be superman, and that's more than fine. No one will ever ask that of you, and if they do, they've got their expectations too high. On paper and in general, those big shiny lasers are what you're already capable of.
It's just a matter of, well, practice. Which takes time, it really does. You might be able to turn the frequency to an absurd level, but it'd be even more unrealistic if you could accurately aim them at a penny on the moon with <90% accuracy, without any calculations or preparation.
Truth is, I wish I did do the extra credit. I was totally capable of doing the extra credit. I do the extra credit nowadays, too.
I wasn't old enough to have the faculties to do or think such things. I didn't have the experience or the time under my belt, at all. There are a lot of things I still don't know, and a lot of holes I've yet to fall into (someone once asked me about cohabitation). You just can't help it: there are times where you will want to do or say something you don't have the actions or words for.
It's all about time, and you're never alone.
I don't know how to spin it, but at some point, it'll hit you. You'll know it when you wake up one morning, or when you're on your way to school/home/work/etc. You won't know why, but suddenly there's a desire to jump out of your seat and do the Safety Dance, because you want to, and because you can.
Times I said "time": 6
A tip for excessive procrastination, is to stop treating everything as a definitive deadline (and guilt-tripping yourself when you "intend to do work"). Generally, just do little bits when you're in an environment where you feel pressured/inclined to do work. It can help build some fair work ethic without actually letting yourself in on the trick, and you usually won't end up going, "Dang, I really meant to do that today, but I just didn't have any time".
Also helps to have someone around to "pressure you" into doing the work. It really does. Once you see the results of said work, you generally find yourself inclined to achieve what you know you can achieve (which IMO, you probably achieve a lot when you want to, like mapping).
You also have said person consistently looking over your shoulder and feeding into that sense of autonomy, maybe even encouraging you to do said work. May never be easy, may never be fun, but it's like having learned the Alphabet. If no one was there to sing along with me and make me repeat "A, B, C"... I don't know if I'd of been enough of an autodidact to figure it out all on my own. Help is nice, help is always there, asking for help is most often welcome, and seeing things in more than one light usually helps paint a prettier01.jpg.
The only thing that stops you from wasting time is having to interact with someone and act as if you aren't wasting time... suddenly, you're always forming memories and responses that are productive whenever you intend to waste time, and never get to habituate/encourage lying around and doing nothing.
90% average, still having time to hang out with cool people, actually knowing how to do something that used to seem like a hassle, feels good man.
It's been my experience that a lot of high-school relationships don't always work out. It's usually a different kind of love- and I know that sounds cliche/over-used/etc, but it's true. Honestly.
It's not like you don't love the person... but, you're developing and changing in such a way that when you want to start an intimate relationship with them, they are (and you become) entirely different people. It's almost like a test drive as much as it is driving away with the car, crashing it into a streetlight, and leaving it there in the middle of the night. Never ends well, except for those who, I guess, end up with their high-school sweethearts.
Sometimes the person you love just isn't at that stage, too. It happens, I guess it's something to do with the way we're exposed to events and concepts involving values and norms (so some have said). Either way, what usually ends up happening is exactly how Tiger Guy and Hideo explained it: Unless you're the best of pals or the Most Wonderful Lover Ever, you will most likely never see the people you meet in high-school ever again, unless they go to the same post-sec institution as you do.
That, and what happens is that most grills tend to flock to the not-so-freshman students... it really is what everyone else has been saying. In short?
Do what you can, because sometimes it's a whole lot of something.
