Well guys, I need a little advice. The past few months I've been horribly depressed for a number of reasons. Primarily because I've been in two car accidents and am now in horrible debt. On top of that, my grades have gone to shit and that itself has also made myself and my family argue. I have few friends because I live in a military family and we move so much. so I tend to never make long-lasting relationships with people because it hurts too much to let people you care about go. Also, the best friend I currently have moved to another city earlier last year, so I don't have anyone to hang out with. This is just the beginning to a list of issues that I'm not going to delve deeper into. So now that I've introduced the cause, let me talk about the effects.
I have a friend who I've always cared about (this isn't the same one who moved). You guys don't know who she is so don't try to guess. Ever since I met her I've always gone out of my way to show how much I care for her, as a friend. I've never tried to make a gesture that I've wanted to be more than friends or anything like that. I've always gotten all of my friends gifts every Christmas and for their birthdays because friends typically do that kind of stuff. This friend is different. Instead, I typically get nothing back in return. I've never asked for anything besides a simple picture. I've only asked for that one thing because I know she wants to have a career doing that and I know it's what she loves to do and what she's very good at. I've never gotten one even though it's the same thing I ask for every holiday. Which I've typically ignored until now.
What makes now different was that it was my birthday a few days ago. Just like Christmas, I asked for nothing from nobody. I'm in debt from my parents so I don't feel that it is right of me to ask for anything. Despite this, my parents went out of their way trying to make my birthday special, since I turned 18, without spending much money since they knew I'd be upset if they did. All of my friends wished me a happy birthday, even people I barely knew remembered. Except this one friend. She and I used to talk much more, but being at different schools and in different grades, we still talk frequently, but not nearly as often. We also rarely hang out. Well, she forgot. I talked to her for a while when I saw her, and she didn't mention it. As I left I said, "Happy Birthday Infinimint?" (using my real name, of course), and she's like, "Oh, I forgot." and just kept walking. She never messaged me, texted me, called me, facebook'd me, or anything regarding it. It was like she could care less. Despite all I had done for her in the past. Even now, she has yet to say anything about it.
At first it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was pretty upsetting. Y'know, friends who care about each other, typically do things like that. Why is it that when I go out of my way for her, she doesn't return the favor? Now, before any of you think it, I don't like her like that. I'm just a friend, and I'd like it to stay that way. However, overhearing her talk the other day, she made me sound like a rapist while talking with her family saying something along the lines of "I don't want to be alone around him."... What? I'd understand if I was some sort of weirdo, but being a trusted friend, I took it really offensively. After talking it over with her, she said it for reasons which I'm not going to mention, but for the most part she apologized and everything continued along fine.
Still, I wondered, why was it that she treated me like this? What had I done? I've talked to her about her relationships and tried to give her advice, as well as many other things trying to be helpful. She and I have had very similar events happen in relationships and are very like-minded. It turns out, that like myself, she is pretty depressed. The only difference being that she has been depressed for three years, much much longer than myself. I've tried my best to talk her through this, but she doesn't seem to care what I have to say. No matter what I do to try to make her feel better, I almost always do something wrong, in some way, it would appear.
In case anyone has been wondering why I've been gone, it is because I'm selling my computer. As well as my car. As well as anything I have left that is valuable. I need to pay of my debts, and several thousands of dollars is quite a pretty penny. I've been working almost nonstop (aside from this week), and yet I get paid next to nothing. On top of that, I have more and more bills adding up all the time. At work, I have to take a lot of shit from my coworkers and do all the jobs they don't want to in a sorry attempt to impress my managers. Thus far, it hasn't changed anything. While taking a break from gaming and what I enjoy most, programming, I've seen a lot. I've found that my family truly cares for me much more than I've thought, and that there's much more I can be doing than sitting in front of a computer all day. I've been seeking to find stability, but instead I'm finding clarity.
Back to the friend. I've been pretty upset with her lately with some of the things she's said to me and about a recent incident which isn't appropriate to mention in this context. Today, I confronted her saying that I'd like to take a break in out friendship because I felt it was unmutual and one-sided. It really hurt to tell her that, but I felt that for my own sake, I needed to. I've been an emotional wreck lately and the way she's been making me feel isn't helping. Is it wrong to tell her that? She said that she "no longer feels anything" due to the depression and that that's why she's done what she's done, but is that good enough justification? She's said it in the past, and as much of an ass I feel like saying it, I feel she's almost using it as a crutch.
She can tell me anything and I listen. I've tried to help her and talk her through the depression, but she doesn't listen. I try to give her advice regarding guys in the hopes that she'll find someone to make her happy. I've asked her to hang out all the time because I know she likes being with friends. I've tried to do everything I can and it seems like it's never enough. It hurt very badly to tell her what I said, but I feel that if I don't at least take a small break, I'm gonna overreact and say something worse. The last thing I'd want is for something crazy to happen like that. Is this wrong? Have I gone too far?
I hope she can learn to forgive me.
What do you guys think? Did I go to far? Any advice is welcome, but please keep this thread serious and leave shitty jokes and noncontributing comments elsewhere.
TL;DR: If you don't want to read the above, find another thread to post in.
EDIT: The reason I posted here and not on another website is that 1) some of you guys actually know me (and if you don't, that's fine too), and 2) I know that some of you guys can give me better responses than what you'd find on other sites or communities.
