I've been studying stuff. I've been having some pretty interesting thoughts and conversations with some pretty cool people I thought never existed in the last year alone. I've been planning my future and looking at my current predicaments and a whole bunch of things I'll probably never disclose. I've actually taken the time to sit down, alone, and think things. I've read some pretty sound yet pliable things that make me question more, and make me want to consider other things and go back and think more things in respect to my frame of reference and the entire world. I think I've changed a lot in the last 3 weeks alone, and it kind of gives me the impression that anything I say here is almost a reflection of how much more serious and, well, different I seem to be. I don't know what it is, I seem less loving/caring/"Unit" to some people all of a sudden. Yet at the same time, I feel like this revision of self is something both necessary, and beneficial than those few people tend to want to admit. I've gotten so much done in so little time, and I never realized that I could even do those things.
But I grasp the reality of everything that you're saying here. If anything I type seems a little autonomous or critical, ignore it.
I can't tell you what the perfect action would be, or was, but it seems like you handled yourself pretty well throughout any of this, and that there simply wasn't another way that you could have possibly done any more than you did. It's not as if you could have side-stepped any of the issues or obtained some magical deus ex machina to ensure that all possible positive things occurred between you and her in terms of understanding or relations. Besides, one can't shirk their human tendencies to feel or respond in ways that sometimes cause cognitive dissonance, else you may have really just over-reacted and said something worse, or worse. Maybe you truly need some down time, it happens. You might feel bad for wanting that, but it will eventually become apparent that one cannot be in all places at all times, to do everything at once. If she takes offense to this, hopefully she can forgive you. I'd have to assume on some kind of good faith that she'd be able to simulate how it may seem in your position, especially if it should be that she's dejected enough to 'forget things' or stray away from people (which could imply that she'd be brooding or somber or even just apathetic and lost in thoughts). That's a pretty heavy form of non-chemical depression if that's the case. If it's chemical or through some other hereditary cause, however, perhaps it simply can't be helped unless one can rearrange particles and structures to one's liking. That could be asking for too much, but again, seems like those kinds of things lie outside of what one can actually, completely, control.
When you mention the whole birthday situation, or even the grades issue, I can sympathize. More than I want to elaborate on, but nonetheless. I even still feel like I owe some people in this community for gifting me games, to which I probably have a debt in the range of $90-120. And, I'd get behind the notion of taking a hiatus and setting priorities straight should it be that serious. A good investment IMO, in fact it's something I've started to do slowly since actually having that progressive realization moment about a month or two ago. If only I was me now earlier. It's actually a bit uncanny when I look at all the people I know and notice the trends that follow...
Hone that clarity like nothing else. Seriously, you're going to need it. Or, so I've begun to realize. To feel the weight of what lies ahead already pressing against one's shoulders, to where it doesn't seem like it'll wait for anyone in particular. If there's anyone out there who I could possibly save from making mistakes and/or less-optimal decisions that would grant oneself a much better future as-is-to-be-expected, possibly, I'd be willing to try. Which means recommending that you go forward with the hiatus if you're truly serious, because I believe that you probably have a ton of capacitance in regards to achieving something, more than I.
Again, I don't figure the forums is a great place to put context behind anything that I've said, but feel free to contact me somehow if you'd like. I'll actually probably begin building a solid background in physics/economics/mechatronics/broad chemistry and not psuedo-crazy asdf today so I can do some spectacular stuff later, possibly.
I don't doubt that if all goes well, it'll go more than well. If all just goes, it'll just be well anyways. I can't necessarily spot a crap-tacular outcome here. Regardless, I hope for the best in whatever it is your endeavors entail and/or whatever you choose to entail in your endeavors. There's a good head on those shoulders.