Title (continued)(and women) ( and some men) LOL ENJOY!!


Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)


















































Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.

























































So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.



By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen




New Joke
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in the car!






New Joke
A salesman is going door to door. At one house a snotty little brat answers the door.

"Tell you what," he says to the salesman, "I can persuade my parents to buy pretty well anything. If you can do everything I can do, I'll talk them into buying something. If you lose, then you give ?10.00."

Figuring that there's no way a nine-year-old brat could outsmart him, the salesman agrees to the deal. Immediately, the kid climbs up the drainpipe and hops onto the flat roof. The salesman does exactly the same.

The kid then runs across the roof, does a triple cartwheel and lands in the back garden, with the salesman following suit.

Then the kid runs to where his teenage sister is sunbathing, topless. He rushes over to her and kisses her on the left breast. Not to be outdone, the salesman leaps over and does the same.

The kid then gropes both his sisters tits. So does the salesman. Then the kid pulls down her bikini bottoms and licks her pussy, the salesman does likewise.

THEN the brat pulls out his dick, wraps it round his little finger, and says, "Where's my tenner ..."












http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxymwN7nYQQ


there once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.  He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.  Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?Huh?



OH, Come on...take a guess!





YOU CAN'T KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE!!!!

EDIT: Took youtube url out of code. -coolzeldad

in the flood server, People are getting pissed off when they wait. So, to make gameplay better\keep people from abusing the voteban, I think we should add a respawn. Like 20 seconds, then you respawn until the round is over or everybody is dead. That will make it more of a challenge, and force people to make noob protection on your boat, EG walls on the boat. Just an idea. People have nothing to do while they wait, so they want the people to either jump off, and if they dont they voteban or votekick. Its getting annoying. I hardly ever get votekicked\votebanned, because people on the server like me, well most. But people who arent so lucky.

Yeah, how would I be able to become an admin? I only play the flood server unless its down. People are glitching in it, etc. I wouldn't abuse it, or put no clip or anything on. I would just ban glitchers and people who break the rules. Is this possible, or no? I have experience as an admin, in the Zombie Hideout server.

Hardest map I've ever made. Please add it, I worked really hard on it. It features:

1. Glitch Protection. I added a teleporter zone right under the map, it teleports you back up to spawn if you go through the floor.
2. Boat Protection (X4) I have 4 shops, with closable glass doors, opening roofs, for building your boats. Tired of narblets gravity gunning\getting on your boat while your building it? No more!! The doors and top automatically close when the water is fully risen. They do not automatically open, because the minges could get on top and get in. Open them yourself. Button on the right is top, left is glass door.
3. A place to test your boat, of course.
4. A lot of flat space to build that big ass boat of yours!!
5. And much, much more!!

Pictures are below. Its a lot of pictures, I know, but it shows all the map. Please consider putting my map into the server!! I can upload the vmt file if the administrators want to look at it, to make sure there is no secret weapons\places.


























http://www.mediafire.com/file/zkq5e0yi2nz/fm_boatbattles_v1.bsp


we need a chatbox =p

Hi! I just found the forums links, I play in the Flood Mod server, and the Sled Server. Mostly the FLood Server. My name in game is Butcher. I just wanted to introduce myself. I am new to Garry's Mod, but have been playing Source games for about 4 years. I have a suggestion. Instead of the map fishtank, I am currently making a flood map. It will be glitch proof, fixed spawn points, (no more "HIT ME PLEASE lol)

All I need to know is, how do I tie the build time, and then fight time? Do I just time it to how long the build time is, plus 10 seconds, and then the water rises?

Any suggestions, post here!!

I hope to be a part of this forum\server for a while. I was looking for a new game to mod, and I found one!!

Edit: Of course, only if the administrator allows me to build this map!!