Cheesicle's attempt at a Newbie Guide.

[Cheesicle]

There are lots of dumbass things people do on lots of forums, but posting about those here is pointless. (See Stupid Forum Trick #4.)

If you want to make this place even better (hard as that may be to imagine), don't do dumb things.

Here's a list of what I see as the Top 10.


10. "I'm going to kiss this guys ass in hopes of getting VIP."

Clicking the "+1" button and then posting a compliment to the person in the thread, with nothing else added. It's silly, but at least it's an error made in an attempt at courtesy.

If you must compliment someone 9001 times for the same thing, why not PM them? That keeps it off the main board and shows more real appreciation at the same time.

Suggested response: Ignore it. But try not to do it yourself.


9. "Please can I be VIP/Reg??? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!"

Spamming forums is stupid. Still, the garden variety "drive by" spam is pretty harmless here since the switch to member moderation.

More annoying are the idiots who create several accounts to use to post applications after the first one was denied, thinking they won't be caught and that it will give them a higher chance at Reg.

This is really drives me up the wall.

Suggested response: When they're caught, give their app a -1 for lack of patience.


8. "Y u Newfag Can't Search???/"

Asking the same question that 10,000 people have asked here before just wastes people's time and clogs up the board. On the flip side, it may bring important questions to the attention of people who hadn't thought of them. All in all, probably a wash.

Suggested response: Point them to the search function.


7. "The Bureau of Repetitive Redundancies Department"

Quoting an entire long post in order to respond to it. This is especially annoying when done in conjunction with #10.

Quoting 50 or 100 lines to add three sentences is just silly. It adds load to the database, makes people scroll more, makes it harder for scanners and skimmers to follow the thread, and makes you look like a clueless newbie.

It's easy to isolate the parts to which you want to respond. Just put quote tags around each section. That looks (almost) like this:

{quote}Quoted text to which you're responding.{/quote}

Replace the curly brackets with square brackets and you get this:

Quoted text to which you're responding.

Enclose each section from the original you're responding to in separate sets of brackets, leaving out the extraneous content. Makes it much easier to follow the discussion.

Suggested response: Point them to this blog post. Or just explain it to them.


6. "Only 3,000 More to Go!"

Those were all pretty minor. Now we get into the really annoying stuff.

Posting a ton of one-liners, often saying exactly the same thing, is an obvious gambit. It's a ploy to increase your post count, usually with the idea of getting OMG WAFFLEZORMASF!$!#21LEGEMETOZF!#$!!!!1one.

Don't bother. All you'll do is get your reputation nuked and have to start all over. Say something useful, or shut up until you can. Or ask an intelligent question and discuss the responses like an adult. At least then someone might benefit from your activity.

Suggested response: Look at their recent posts to make sure that's what they're doing. If it is, kindly tell them to shut the fuck up. If they continue, theyy them to shut the fuck up in a not-so-friendly-manner.


5. "This is bad, only faggots are/use this..."

This one can be actively dangerous.

Clue Time: You are not the only human being on the planet.

The fact that you have a preference does not mean that everyone else has the same preference.

The fact that you don't like something doesn't mean it's bad.

Saying "I hate pop-ups" is fine. Saying "I hate all people who are religious" or "I hate all people who are homosexual" is NOT fine.

You are not the World. Get over it.

Clue Two: The fact that 12 other people pop-up in the thread agreeing with you does not mean you're right. It means that 12 other people with a predisposition to complain saw what you said and jumped on the bandwagon.

People who dislike something are far more likely to talk about it publicly than people who like it or who just don't care. That's why negative opinions in forums are so often 100% opposite of what works in the real world.

Suggested response: Remind them that testing is more meaningful than random complaints. Then ignore their pronouncements until they grow up.


4. "Mommy, So-and-so Next Door is Picking On Me! I'm going to post a report in the wrong Board!"

Someone hacking? Minging? Make a report. Don't go on the Discussion board and cry about it. ESPECIALLY if type lyk this as if u havnt gradulated frm 3rde graed.

Suggested response: Tell them they to open their mother fucking eyes. Reports go to the Reports Board.


3. "OMG THIS GUY KILLED ME IN TTT IM MAD SO IM GONNA SAY HE HACKS BUT I HAVE NO PROFF BANASDF@!@#!@$!$!$!"

Related closely to Stupid Forum Trick #4, this is when people come in here blasting away at some person, often claiming they hack on the Discussion Board.

Even if it's true, this isn't the place for it.

Most of the time, it's not true. It's usually someone attempting to use the leverage of this forum as a way to blackmail someone into doing things the way they want them done. When the details can be verified, they rarely look anything like what was originally posted.

Or, nearly as often, it's a complete lie, told with the intent of hurting someone the poster has a pointless grudge against.

No, you are NOT "protecting" the rest of the members by alerting them to "hackers." Even if you were, the preponderance of slanted reports and outright lies makes it bad policy to allow this sort of post.

Suggested response: Tell them to get some fucking proof.


2. "I'm a Spiteful Loser. How Can I Prove It?"

Answer: Spam and click the "-1" icon, just because you don't like the poster. Or lie about your age in hopes of looking mature. OR even worse, lie about your RND join date in hopes of getting Reg.

Lame-ass punk loser.

Suggested response: Not much any of us can do about it, since we don't know when it happens. Nobody really cares about the Respect system anyway. It's also pretty obvious when someone is lying about their age. And the RND join date is really fucking obvious, and most likely will lessen your chances at Reg/VIP. So pro tip: Don't fucking do it.


1. "how to grammer"

Clue Time: Pass the 5th grade. Or if you're not a native english speaker, tell us.

Talking without using punctuation is annoying. It gives me a fucking headache and annoys the shit out of me. Misspelling simple words also annoys the shit out of me.

Problem: omg guyz this guy haks on ttt he aimbotter omg rdming all the time like hoely shit i didnt pass 1st grad hurrd udrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Many people, both young and old, have trouble understanding that. Me, I just get a headache.

These types of posts are most often made by newbies, and done with the best of intentions. Because they sound sensible enough, other people could pick up on them and use the advice, either supporting them, or disagreeing. Most likely, it's the latter.

Suggested responses: Tell them to talk normally or GTFO.

[YomoFox]

HI!











HOW TO REG?

[Cheesicle]

HI!











HOW TO REG?

[Travelsonic]

HI!











HOW TO REG?

lim ( Δ -> 0 ) ( + Δ )² + ² = ^∞

[ursus]

uh can i hav vip i playde on the server for like 4 days and i''m gud admin rly

[ٶȻhriʂ]

Hello my name is "newfag"

how i vip???

[YomoFox]

uh can i hav vip i playde on the server for like 4 days and i''m gud admin rly

Hello my name is "newfag"

how i vip???

[ursus]

OMG UR SO FUNNY HAHAHAHHAHAHH LOL

[ٶȻhriʂ]

OMG UR SO FUNNY HAHAHAHHAHAHH LOL

[alexoidother]

lim ( Δ -> 0 ) ( + Δ )² + ² = ^∞

OMG

[blαh2355]

STEAMROXORZTEHBIG111!!!!!1ELEVEN1

[Travelsonic]

OMG

Gotta love trollface calculus. 

[Foofoojack]

OMG UR SO FUNNY HAHAHAHHAHAHH LOL

I know right? He's just so hilarious!
I like all the meaningful posts he throws in!

[yoshi]

Guizz enoughz of teh zspam mesejages naow 

[ursus]

It just occurred to me

That this is the guides section.

inb4 banned for spam