Author Topic: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay  (Read 77 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Cheesicle

  • ******
  • Posts: 2697
  • Gender: Male
  • ████████
  • Respect: +841
ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« on: January 27, 2011, 04:24:39 AM »
+1
im ashun, so no trawring, sank yoo

Shawn Chi
Period 4B
The New Deal   
   When Franklin Delano Roosevelt was elected the 32nd President of the United States, he already had many problems to solve, the major one being the Great
Depression, which had already ruined the lives of millions of Americans. To combat this problem, Roosevelt passed a flurry of bills many referred to as “The New Deal”. This New
Deal provided instant action, and helped boost the American economy in just the first hundred days of his presidency.
 
   Roosevelt himself first coined the term “The New Deal” during his Presidential nomination speech when he promised “a new deal for the American people.” He won the
Presidential election by a landslide, beating former President Herbert Hoover by 413 electoral votes. Unlike the President before him, Roosevelt was swift in his actions. The new
President assembled a winning team of advisors named the “Brain Trust”, which was a group of academic advisors to Roosevelt. Members included graduates of Harvard
University and PhD recipients. The Brain Trust aided the President in helping boost the economy.
   
   The economy improved in just one hundred days. Because of this, many referred to this as simply the “First Hundred Days”. During this time, Roosevelt passed several bills,
such as the Emergency Banking Act, the Economy Act, the Beer-Wine Revenue Act, the Civilian Conservation Corp Act (CCC), the Federal Emergency Relief Act, the Agricultural
Adjustment Act (AAA), the Tennessee Valley Authority Act (TVA), and the Federal Securities Act. Many of these Acts put Americans back to work, such as the CCC, which
provided jobs for nearly 3 million Americans. The AAA paid farmers to kill off excess livestock and surplus crops. This helped stabilize the prices of farm products, making them
more affordable.


   Many people ridiculed the New Deal programs, calling them FDR’s “Alphabet Soup”, because of the large number of acronyms. Some critics believed that Roosevelt was not doing enough. Such critics were called “Left” critics, and those who felt that Roosevelt was doing too much were called “Right” Critics. However, by the end of the 30’s, millions of
previously unemployed men were working again, and banks were federally insured to prevent closing.


   Despite popular belief, the New Deal did not end the Great Depression. Approximately 19 percent of all working class Americans were still unemployed, and it was not until 1943 when America was involved in World War II did the economy reach its pre-Depression level. The New Deal did succeed in providing temporary relief for millions, and nearly 80 years later, remnants of the Deal are still visible today. Programs such as the Social Security Act still exist, along with federally insured banks. Because of this, many historians consider Franklin Roosevelt one of the greatest American Presidents.

Offline Hitman

  • *****
  • Posts: 865
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +112
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2011, 04:30:15 AM »
0
To fight this problem, Roosevelt passed a flurry of bills many referred to as “The New Deal”.
Changed it to something that sounds more appropriate.

Offline Cheesicle

  • ******
  • Posts: 2697
  • Gender: Male
  • ████████
  • Respect: +841
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2011, 04:52:49 AM »
0
Changed it to something that sounds more appropriate.

hmmm... what about counter? im not sure, if it sounds worse, just tell me :p

Offline Cable

  • ******
  • Posts: 2182
  • Gender: Male
  • hi
  • Respect: +1085
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2011, 05:03:59 AM »
+1
im ashun, so no trawring, sank yoo

Shawn Chi
Period 4B
The New Deal   
   When Franklin Delano Roosevelt was elected the 32nd President of the United States, he already had many problems to solve. The major one being the great.
Depression, which had already ruined the lives of millions upon millions of Americans. To combat this problem, Roosevelt passed a flurry of bills many referred to as “The New Deal”. This New
Deal provided instant action, and helped boost the American economy in just the first hundred days of his presidency.
 
   Roosevelt himself first coined the term “The New Deal” during his Presidential nomination speech when he promised “a new deal for the American people.” He won the
Presidential election by a landslide; beating former President Herbert Hoover by 413 electoral votes. Unlike the President before him, Roosevelt was swift in his actions. The new
President assembled a winning team of advisors named the “Brain Trust”, which was a group of academic advisors to Roosevelt. Members included graduates of Harvard
University and PhD recipients. The Brain Trust aided the President in helping boost the economy.
   
   The economy improved in just one hundred days. Because of this, many referred to this as simply the “First Hundred Days”. During this time Roosevelt passed several bills
such
as The Emergency Banking Act, The Economy Act, The Beer-Wine Revenue Act, The Civilian Conservation Corp Act (CCC), The Federal Emergency Relief Act, The Agricultural
Adjustment Act (AAA), The Tennessee Valley Authority Act (TVA), and The Federal Securities Act. Many of these acts put Americans back to work, such as the CCC, which
provided jobs for nearly 3 million Americans. The AAA paid farmers to kill off excess livestock and surplus crops. This helped stabilize the prices of farm products, making them
more affordable.


   Many people ridiculed the New Deal programs, calling them FDR’s “Alphabet Soup” because of the large number of acronyms. Some critics believed that Roosevelt was not doing enough. Such critics were called “Left” critics, and those who felt that Roosevelt was doing too much were called “Right” Critics. However, by the end of the 30’s, millions of
previously unemployed men were working again, and banks were federally insured to prevent closing.


   Despite popular belief, The New Deal did not end the Great Depression. Approximately 19 percent of all working class Americans were still unemployed. It was not until 1943 when America was involved in World War II did the economy reach its pre-Depression level. The New Deal did succeed in providing temporary relief for millions and nearly 80 years later, remnants of the Deal are still visible today. Programs such as the Social Security Act still exist, along with federally insured banks. Because of this, many historians consider Franklin Roosevelt one of the greatest American Presidents.
I highlighted everything in red that i changed.
I'm no expert but i would consider fixing some of those problems.
(Too many random commas)
if i highlighted two words i probably removed something that you had in between them.

Offline Cheesicle

  • ******
  • Posts: 2697
  • Gender: Male
  • ████████
  • Respect: +841
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2011, 05:07:48 AM »
0
I highlighted everything in red that i changed.
I'm no expert but i would consider fixing some of those problems.
(Too many random commas)
if i highlighted two words i probably removed something that you had in between them.

Wait, but it is called the "Great Depression" not the "great Depression", i thought? D:
n the group was called "the Brain Trust" so do I include "the" in the quotations?

Offline Cable

  • ******
  • Posts: 2182
  • Gender: Male
  • hi
  • Respect: +1085
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2011, 05:22:27 AM »
0
Wait, but it is called the "Great Depression" not the "great Depression", i thought? D:
n the group was called "the Brain Trust" so do I include "the" in the quotations?
the word "great" was not apart of a proper noun therefore it does not need to be capitalized. Great Depression is a proper noun... hard to explain 8th grade English. Also the word "the" in "Brain Trust" just didn't seem necessary.

Offline Frank

  • Cunt Destroyer
  • ******
  • Windows UserOld Forum MemberDog LoverCat LoverDonator
    View More Badges!

  • Posts: 2977
  • Respect: +728
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2011, 05:35:39 AM »
0
It is the Great Depression.

Offline Cable

  • ******
  • Posts: 2182
  • Gender: Male
  • hi
  • Respect: +1085
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2011, 06:51:29 AM »
0
It is the Great Depression.
Oh waaait, just realized that the word "Depression" is just a line under "Great"... You can capitalize that. I didn't see it at first. Its hard to concentrate when you're talking to sexy people on skype frjfbgsrtdksgnmerosldrgmersdhx

Offline Rocket50

  • ******
  • Posts: 2732
  • Gender: Male
  • My god it's dusty
  • Respect: +946
Re: ohai guise, nid halp on enrish essay
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2011, 07:47:36 AM »
+2
Try using more transition sentances, like: Ultimately, In the same way, Consequently, etc.