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I feel lost in my life.

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HideoKojima:

--- Quote from: Yellow Killer on November 09, 2014, 09:52:14 AM ---I don't know whats happening with my life anymore. I feel like I'm under a rock of shit. People that I've had relationships with before don't want to talk with me that much anymore. There were some girls that I liked and I wanted to date, but I couldn't because of my shyness/awkwardness. Funny to mention that since I've had shy/socially awkward moments happened to me. There were even some moments I've had with females that looked cringey. I've only dated one girl in my life but the relationship lasted for 2 months and she didn't even care about me. I don't know what I want to grow up as well. Before, I wanted to become a video game designer but now I feel that was beyond what I could accomplish. I have some thoughts however about being a video game 3D modeler/level designer but at the same time, I'm starting to develop doubts about that. I haven't applied to any colleges since I don't know what college to head to. I currently have decent grades in high school but at times, I act/feel stupid. I don't have a job because of my procrastination. And almost every weekend, I'm in a vicious cycle of waking up, gaming, napping, procrastinating, eating, and sleeping. I like being a pc gamer and all but I feel that I need more outside interaction with others. I don't know if I'm overreacting too much about all this and if this is a normal stage for some teens but I want to turn my life around before it gets worse, however I don't know where to start.

--- End quote ---

Everything you said in your post I can relate too.
The same things happened to me in HS, and through my first couple years of college.

I switched High Schools and pretty much lost contact with all my friends, and everyone at my new shit school was hooked on chronic(well just regular drugs really) so I didn't want to associate with any of them really and then ever since then I've struggled with my social life a lot.
Sadly, some people don't value relationships as much as other people. And like Tiger guy said, many friendships begin to fizzle after college.

If you don't know what you want to do, maybe go to a Community College just to take some random classes and see what interest you and take the general ed classes as you go on as will. I had the same problem and thought I wanted to be a programmer, and although my problem was I hated it and wasn't good at it. So I took classes that I had some classes that I thought sounded interesting. Many people who go into college knowing what they want to be, but end up switching as they go on. So it's not a very uncommon thing. It's very frustrating not knowing what you wanted to do as your future career. There's also no need to rush college, sure it'd be nice to get out of there fast, but it's not worth it if it's going to be something you aren't even really interested in.

My recommendation for the depression would just be to work out. It sounds silly but it works and many people recommend it. I'd say that definitely has helped me get out of it. And maybe try to find some new hobbies. Hiking, tennis, rock climbing, maybe pick up an instrument, it's good to have a wide range of talents and hobbies because you can meet new people, or at least be able to discuss it with people.  Theater is fun and has some of the coolest and most interesting people, I'd recommend that if they have that as an elective at your HS for next semester. Overall the best thing to do is to try leaving your comfort zone, it's hard to do, but it's usually worth it.


We're not the greatest of friends, but I'd still consider us friends, if you ever want to talk or whatever, I be here.

Yellow Killer:

--- Quote from: Tiger Guy on November 09, 2014, 10:53:06 AM ---This is happening to me in college. I don't really have anything to do or anyone to talk to. I just go there and then go home.

The good thing about college is that you can always change majors. I was thinking about being in Computer Science, but lately I'm discovering that I really don't want to do that. I'm going to change my major sometime soon, probably somewhere in business, or something where I can still get an Associates degree in Science. You can always take an entry Comp Sci class, and if you don't like it, just change majors then.

I stayed home every weekend until senior year, when I actually had friends that I hung out with outside of school. I don't know how many friends you have in school, but I guess you should try to hang out with them more often. I know that staying home seems more appealing, but sometimes you should go out, you might have a great time. If you're there and truly DO NOT want to be there, just make up an excuse about your mom wanting you home now for some reason.

Also, what friends you have in high school will break away once college starts, unless you all go to the same college. If the college you go to has a video game club, or any other club you're interested in, you should at least go to a meeting. Most of the people in there, might be autists, but there's probably some people that you like. If you don't try to make friends in college, you'll be alone, unless if you turn into a mildly attractive girl.

ALSO, while people like Marie can be there for you, in the end, you have to be there for yourself. They can't be there all the time. I don't know shit about dating, but really you should find someone that likes you as much as you like them. Dumping a lot of care into a person that really doesn't give a shit about you is really draining, so you should cut those thots off ASAP.

--- End quote ---
I'll do my best to join clubs and meet new people between now and college. I want to do my best as well as finding that special someone that loves me back. Thank you for giving me pieces of words that'll help me.


--- Quote from: Ἆxule on November 09, 2014, 11:08:43 AM ---I was in a similar situation during my Freshman and Sophomore year in high school. I had a lot of acne and I never socialized with anyone, so I was pretty awkward and quiet majority of those two years. My life during those two years would literally consist of me waking, going to school, finishing all of my homework before or during class, and then go home and play games for hours straight. I literally don't remember anything from those two years because there wasn't really anything to remember other than games. I regret it, yeah, but one thing I've learned to move on from things like that is taking it as a lesson and looking at it as a good thing. During Junior year, I committed to a program called International Baccalaureate (IB) and I was pretty much saw the same people every single day for two years. It was these two years where I blossomed because of the amazing friends and lessons I had during these two years. Despite becoming more social, finding someone who I love very much and have been happily with for almost two years now, and ultimately becoming more confident, I still struggled (and still sort of do) with gaming. I wish I could tell you exactly what you have to do to quit gaming, but I still don't really know. What worked for me though was I quit playing for like a month straight. Fortunately I had help because it was during that time I went to Ireland for a couple of weeks which was long enough to go through withdrawals and not feel this strong urge to play anymore.

As for what you want to do in life, pursue being a video game designer. However, don't have that be your only goal. A great friend of my dad who deals with programming satellites and robots told me that the video game industry is a lot like the rockstar industry of music. When he told me that, I shifted my interests from wanting to program video games to wanting to deal with security for the government. Deep down inside, I still like the idea of programming for video games, and there's always a possibility that I may still do that, but I'm not depending on that being my only goal for a career. As for college, I would consider talking to someone who deals with that at your school. My school had someone who's only job was to help kids find colleges that fit their needs and expectations as well as find them ways to pay for it. If you're able to consult with them, I'm sure they can point you in the right direction, or at the very least, help you realize what you want.

I would also consider going to the gym. However, don't go with the goal of becoming this really tick and handsome guy, because that will take time. Instead, go for the other many benefits working out has to offer. It makes you more confident, helps relieve stress, it makes you feel like you're actually doing something productive with your life, and will ultimately help you in all aspects of your life. It sucks going at first because you see everyone who has every muscle on their body defined, but you just have to remember that everyone had to start somewhere and that they used to be in a similar situation. Go online and watch videos and research on what to eat, what to do, and everything else that you would need to know to workout successfully. With time, you'll see that your shyness will slowly get better, your mental attitude with get more healthy, and you'll be a lot more confident with who you are.



--- End quote ---
I don't mind on gaming but I need to cut down my hours on it. I'm afraid of being a video game designer because of how complicated it is to be one, but that may change at some point. I want to workout in the gym as well and keep myself in a healthy status. I want to destroy this shyness in my system so I can go places in life. Thank you for sharing your experience and your piece of advice that'll help me.


--- Quote from: HideoKojima on November 09, 2014, 11:38:56 AM ---Everything you said in your post I can relate too.
The same things happened to me in HS, and through my first couple years of college.

I switched High Schools and pretty much lost contact with all my friends, and everyone at my new shit school was hooked on chronic(well just regular drugs really) so I didn't want to associate with any of them really and then ever since then I've struggled with my social life a lot.
Sadly, some people don't value relationships as much as other people. And like Tiger guy said, many friendships begin to fizzle after college.

If you don't know what you want to do, maybe go to a Community College just to take some random classes and see what interest you and take the general ed classes as you go on as will. I had the same problem and thought I wanted to be a programmer, and although my problem was I hated it and wasn't good at it. So I took classes that I had some classes that I thought sounded interesting. Many people who go into college knowing what they want to be, but end up switching as they go on. So it's not a very uncommon thing. It's very frustrating not knowing what you wanted to do as your future career. There's also no need to rush college, sure it'd be nice to get out of there fast, but it's not worth it if it's going to be something you aren't even really interested in.

My recommendation for the depression would just be to work out. It sounds silly but it works and many people recommend it. I'd say that definitely has helped me get out of it. And maybe try to find some new hobbies. Hiking, tennis, rock climbing, maybe pick up an instrument, it's good to have a wide range of talents and hobbies because you can meet new people, or at least be able to discuss it with people.  Theater is fun and has some of the coolest and most interesting people, I'd recommend that if they have that as an elective at your HS for next semester. Overall the best thing to do is to try leaving your comfort zone, it's hard to do, but it's usually worth it.


We're not the greatest of friends, but I'd still consider us friends, if you ever want to talk or whatever, I be here.

--- End quote ---
Damn, sucks that you were in a shit HS. Anyway, I guess I can go to a community college and see what interest makes me comfortable. Like I said to Axule, I want to work out and it'd be nice to find a hobby that I might like. I can't try theater in HS since my schedule is full but I can see your point about that. Hopefully I get out of my comfort zone more. Thank you for giving a piece of advice that'll help me.

·UηİŦ··:

--- Quote from: ○ Marie ○ on November 09, 2014, 10:29:42 AM ---I'm here for you man.

--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Tiger Guy on November 09, 2014, 10:53:06 AM ---This is happening to me in college.

--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Ἆxule on November 09, 2014, 11:08:43 AM ---I was in a similar situation during my Freshman and Sophomore year in high school.

As for what you want to do in life, pursue being a video game designer. However, don't have that be your only goal.

If you're able to consult with them, I'm sure they can point you in the right direction, or at the very least, help you realize what you want.

With time, you'll see that your shyness will slowly get better, your mental attitude with get more healthy, and you'll be a lot more confident with who you are.

--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: HideoKojima on November 09, 2014, 11:38:56 AM ---Everything you said in your post I can relate too.

--- End quote ---

I agree with most of what's been said so far, and I believe that you guys really nail it on the head: everyone goes through a stage, sometimes even stages, like this.

Heck, I just got out of a stage like this, and now I find myself in control (granted, slight discrepancies). Cruising past Post-Secondary Education St and Surprisingly Confident Ave instead of being caught at a red light, twiddling my thumbs. In fact... I'm still on my way. It was hard. It took some serious introspection and time-management/adjustments. Still, I got there. According to society, I'm also now a "Young Adult", too. I might never actually be finished developing and changing, even growing mentally and socially, and whatever awaits me in the future is probably a whole new place entirely.

But I remember what it was like, Yellow, I really do. There's no ultimate instruction manual, no power-ups, no cheats (usually), and you never really know where you want to go, or what you want to do. You spend all the time in the world wondering and searching, considering and envisioning the what-ifs and then-whats', comparing yourself to your expectations and the expectations of others... but it certainly feels awesome for having beat the giant monkey-man of the 9th dimension on hardmode (or grinding away and getting an ultra rare item).

Silliness aside, it's just another transition, another learning experience. One that usually leaves you better off for going through it. I learned so many lessons in life just by falling into holes, and listening to others telling me how not to fall into said holes... and still falling into them. By the time you pass this stage in life, you'll probably look back and chuckle at everything you'll have earned, and learned. Maybe even created.

Gotta appreciate those people in your life, though. They're always there, whether you need a rope or a helping hand, maybe even an extra brain or two to pick things with.

Since I feel like most of what I'd ever have wanted to say has been said (and I really like what has been said), I'll just leave whatever random blobs of text I feel are relevant in the spoilers below.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
It's that stage of life where you start trying to figure out who you really are, in terms of self and how others perceive you. Kind of like "Identity Actualization".

Everything I'm about to recommend is just a recommendation, and I suggest (at the risk of sounding repetitive) that you don't take it word for word, and instead try to figure out your own way of doing things. Honestly, the whole transition for me was never easy either. I doubt it was easy for anyone else, see the above. But, it happened somehow, and even though some of us almost felt dead in the water, we're all still here, still kicking, and some of us are probably in places they never expected to be in (I had no idea I'd be here and have incidentally met all these people in actual real life for real just by doing ordinary stuff). Also, rNd.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Nothing is futile".

The general consensus on "nothing", is that it means -nothing-, which means "nothing"... granted, this reasoning suggests that trying to do -nothing- will always result in "something".

A thing, if given that descriptor ("something"), must "mean something", and if all this wordplay is to mean "anything"... it's one of the little things whose interpretation can/must always give way to things of much greater meaning... or amusement. Or really, -anything-.

But never nothing.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)I know that feel when it feels as if you really aren't living up to your standards. Your potential.

You just kinda kick back, float on by the creek on a inflatable duck, and never really anything. Act stupid, sometimes feel stupid because you never try. In fact, you're never encouraged to try. Lead to try, but never forced to participate. Easy passes, pats on the head...

You get by. And looking back, that was the scary part, because everyone else was scrambling to get where I was, which wasn't even where I could go.

That whole apathy scenario, or not feeling challenged enough, not feeling the necessity required to really bring out the big guns and shine them till they sparkled. Not a care in the world as to whether or not you answer the questions or do the extra credit, as everything feels repetitive and completely unnecessary. Look stupid, but feeling validated in looking stupid. Eventually, believing to some degree that you are indeed whatever specified level of intelligence people around you perceive from your inactivity and passiveness.

I find that this all happens because of unrealistic expectations, and an anxiety that forms over not being able to achieve them. That, and at this point in time it's almost impossible to know what, exactly, you want to do.

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but it takes time.

There could be other reasons, too. Life happens. A lot of people have been there.

And I could never have known that, then. It'd be exceptionally unfair to have assumed all of those wonderful things of myself, and I want to consider the same of you. We all can't be superman, and that's more than fine. No one will ever ask that of you, and if they do, they've got their expectations too high. On paper and in general, those big shiny lasers are what you're already capable of.

It's just a matter of, well, practice. Which takes time, it really does. You might be able to turn the frequency to an absurd level, but it'd be even more unrealistic if you could accurately aim them at a penny on the moon with <90% accuracy, without any calculations or preparation.

Truth is, I wish I did do the extra credit. I was totally capable of doing the extra credit. I do the extra credit nowadays, too.

I wasn't old enough to have the faculties to do or think such things. I didn't have the experience or the time under my belt, at all. There are a lot of things I still don't know, and a lot of holes I've yet to fall into (someone once asked me about cohabitation). You just can't help it: there are times where you will want to do or say something you don't have the actions or words for.

It's all about time, and you're never alone.

I don't know how to spin it, but at some point, it'll hit you. You'll know it when you wake up one morning, or when you're on your way to school/home/work/etc. You won't know why, but suddenly there's a desire to jump out of your seat and do the Safety Dance, because you want to, and because you can.

Times I said "time": 6
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
A tip for excessive procrastination, is to stop treating everything as a definitive deadline (and guilt-tripping yourself when you "intend to do work"). Generally, just do little bits when you're in an environment where you feel pressured/inclined to do work. It can help build some fair work ethic without actually letting yourself in on the trick, and you usually won't end up going, "Dang, I really meant to do that today, but I just didn't have any time".

Also helps to have someone around to "pressure you" into doing the work. It really does. Once you see the results of said work, you generally find yourself inclined to achieve what you know you can achieve (which IMO, you probably achieve a lot when you want to, like mapping).

You also have said person consistently looking over your shoulder and feeding into that sense of autonomy, maybe even encouraging you to do said work. May never be easy, may never be fun, but it's like having learned the Alphabet. If no one was there to sing along with me and make me repeat "A, B, C"... I don't know if I'd of been enough of an autodidact to figure it out all on my own. Help is nice, help is always there, asking for help is most often welcome, and seeing things in more than one light usually helps paint a prettier01.jpg.

The only thing that stops you from wasting time is having to interact with someone and act as if you aren't wasting time... suddenly, you're always forming memories and responses that are productive whenever you intend to waste time, and never get to habituate/encourage lying around and doing nothing.

90% average, still having time to hang out with cool people, actually knowing how to do something that used to seem like a hassle, feels good man.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
It's been my experience that a lot of high-school relationships don't always work out. It's usually a different kind of love- and I know that sounds cliche/over-used/etc, but it's true. Honestly.

It's not like you don't love the person... but, you're developing and changing in such a way that when you want to start an intimate relationship with them, they are (and you become) entirely different people. It's almost like a test drive as much as it is driving away with the car, crashing it into a streetlight, and leaving it there in the middle of the night. Never ends well, except for those who, I guess, end up with their high-school sweethearts.

Sometimes the person you love just isn't at that stage, too. It happens, I guess it's something to do with the way we're exposed to events and concepts involving values and norms (so some have said). Either way, what usually ends up happening is exactly how Tiger Guy and Hideo explained it: Unless you're the best of pals or the Most Wonderful Lover Ever, you will most likely never see the people you meet in high-school ever again, unless they go to the same post-sec institution as you do.

That, and what happens is that most grills tend to flock to the not-so-freshman students... it really is what everyone else has been saying. In short?

Do what you can, because sometimes it's a whole lot of something.

Prox:
I'm on a brink of making the choice of my life. Literally. This year is going to be the year where I will have to decide what I want to study, what I want to do in life and how do I get there. I've already have multiple goals set and time after time I create new ones. The fact that I demand a lot from myself sometimes with giving little effort into something makes it even harder as it is already. I imagine that these years when you have to transition yourself from highschool to collage/university are probably among the toughest ones in our lives since we're still pretty young and have little life experience and so much have to change in such little time.
   Career is truly a hard choice so don't think that this bothers only a few people including yourself, it's just that some people, particularly those who didn't gave shit about school, don't have those kind of problems because of the same reasons. Chances are that if you're not going to give up now on deciding what's best for you, you will become much more then they will. You may think that some people have it so much better or are better then you now, but that doesn't mean that it's over. Life is a race that lasts for as long as you live and if you are losing now you may be winning in 10 or 20 years. Keep in mind that life is not going to flow in the same way forever. When we look back at history, we can see how many times things have changed so don't think its over, especially in the current geopolitical context. There's so much that life has in store for us so be ready to use those changes as much as you will be able to.

Moo:
I am lost

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