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Happinessless

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pyrosheep:
It gets better, trust me. I have had so many periods of depression it's not even funny. I'm even going through one right now. My advice is to not let it get to your head too much. Don't neglect things that you wouldn't if you were not depressed. By that I mean if you are invited a party or something, go to it. It is always better to go out and have fun instead of sitting in your room alone thinking about everything that went wrong. Also, talk to people about it. I have a friend who is always there and is always willing to talk if either one of us has a problem and we just support eachother through it. Don't let it get to your head and you will come through, and always remember to talk to people about it.

·UηİŦ··:

--- Quote from: McDreary The Hapless Hamster on March 13, 2013, 08:33:44 PM ---I feel like the best way to be happy should be to put others first, and in a funny twist that gets me walked on by others because I'm very nice (not as much online). It's gotten to the point where I feel like aanyone who is nice is just trying to get something from me then to leave until they need my help again. And my only real life friend who I felt happy around has moved about  1000 miles away. And after a few years of talking over internet and phones, I feel him finally just forgetting about me. I guess I'm asking why am I so incapable of happiness?

--- End quote ---

I put myself before others a lot. People take help for granted due to the fact that instant gratification is great, and how many people lack the interest of how that gratification came about etc.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)I know this feel, but I've been over it for a long while. At a time like that, you do have to push through it and sometimes ignore the martyr feeling you get and satisfy yourself instead, even for a little bit. Especially if you tend to get walked on in the process, it's human to remember about yourself once in a while. Being totally selfless would mean disregarding your self entirely. You wouldn't give a true damn if the person you just helped turned out to be a mass murderer, only that you're helping someone accomplish something. When you help someone with the intent of good/good use of the help you dish out, it's kind of a biased action based on what you perceive as good/good use of said help. You have to care to have good intent, otherwise you're just keeping a dam open so all the fish can swim through and flood the city.

It's true that doing stuff for people should make you feel great without any external reward, but you're not completely devoid of 'Id'. It's good to sit down and take some time from life to enjoy little things. Satisfy your own needs when it's not imperative that you stand in the rain for an entire night with the intent to take someone out.
Who gives a fuck if that person completely disregarded me, I like to help. I love love and don't even care about hate!
I guess it'd be an ideal world if everyone was selfless to a degree. But the truth is that not everyone is so kind hearted and welcoming... actually getting something back in return makes up for expending 2/3rds of your life just so someone could go about effortlessly.

If you want to keep it that way, that's more than fine. It's only truly rewarding if you let it be, and it's a damn tedious lifestyle to follow. We can't be Superman.

Sometimes you just have to wait, too. Find something you yourself enjoy, and even make the effort to craft friends out of people you didn't think you wanted to know. Eventually they become real friends, or you become a friend that they can actually trust with things you don't usually trust people with. Individuality is great, it's random and it happens every single day. Individuality grants some individuals to find common interest with one another as they stray away from the group and make their own social circle. It also means that individuality may take a while to ferment and develop against some societal stigma in order to be an independent force (Helping homeless people is a waste of time and money!).

Maybe it's not that you're incapable of feeling the goodfeels, so much as you're denying yourself the ability to enjoy yourself by helping people expecting the best of the best, and then sometimes helping people you know won't return the favor let alone acknowledge you exist, expecting a mass murderer to also have a change of heart and hand out flowers instead of throwing knives.

Sometimes people don't change. You said it yourself, part of the problem is that you're surrounded by less that savory people (I guess). You could wait until they eventually turn into nice people possibly, or drop everything and start making small talk with people you have the most in common with. Or, forget about the people (if they really suck) and utilize all the tools you have in your worldly possession to find something nice to do while you wait.

I tend to make a lot of puns and satire here and there. Gotta laugh at something.

Basically, small talk and a little bit of sacrifice for 4 years resulting in 30something friends and a solid job is better than no talk and sitting in a dumpster, forever.
Something I know you posses the ability to do, since we're all friends right now in rNd.

Astropilot:
I'm not against you Unit but I'm gonna say that when I helped out people around me (classmates, some people I know) I didn't receive much or any gratitude. I didn't enjoy how they forgot about how I even needed help at a time in need. Slowly I started to quit helping out since I felt it wasn't worth it for me. Maybe it's the people I'm living around. Eventually I also forgot how to smile.

Tiger Guy:

--- Quote from: Astropilot on March 14, 2013, 06:00:16 PM ---I'm not against you Unit but I'm gonna say that when I helped out people around me (classmates, some people I know) I didn't receive much or any gratitude. I didn't enjoy how they forgot about how I even needed help at a time in need.

--- End quote ---
That's because you live in New York City

Sabb:
Unfortunately no one can really give you the answer or mainly the solution to your problem. It seems you're a giving person which is great, I believe I am too and see people take advantage of that sometimes. If that happens I try to realize that not everyone's like me and a lot of people simply don't stop to think about others. Some people give everything they can to help other people, not because they expect something in return, but simply to make someone's day in some way. A lot of people seem to not notice it for what it is though, and when that happens I think it's just best to not think into it too much and simply move on. It's something that can be extremely hard to do.

It's easy to just sit around and say "how dare she walk on me like that, all I've done is be kind to her!", but it's hard to convince yourself to not care or at least not get down about it. Especially when it constantly happens. Which I promise you, it will. But that's how people are and you've got to find a way to deal with those things yourself.

Not going to lie, I'm actually trying to find the solution to a similar problem for myself but it's not simple.
And about the depression again, no one can solve that but you. It sucks, truly does. But there's no miracle advice anyone can give you. All you need to do is find a strong motivation for yourself. Not for another person, but for yourself for once, because you can't rely on other people for your own happiness, which is something I've recently learned. If you rely on other people for happiness, you're just going to get shut right down. The only person who's reliable and responsible for your happiness is you.

Getting over things like this seems like such an incredibly hard thing when you're in a rut, but it's something every person has to learn to do because there truly are many good reasons for any individual's motivation and happiness, you just need to consciously find one and dedicate yourself, to yourself.

Either way though I do hope you can find something that works for you, man. And just a tip, the drinking thing won't help. If you're anything like me drinking may seem like a mood lift, but it's not. The only reason it seems like it is is because your thought process is slow and distorted and you probably don't realize how sad it may actually be making you. Though everyone's different so it may not be the case for you but what I can say for sure is that drinking is a temporary solution by all means. Not to mention usually people just feel worse about themselves afterwards. I'm sure I don't have to tell you though because I'm sure you've heard it a million times but man, it's just not a good idea.

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