Author Topic: Lament to Peace  (Read 133 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Captain Communism

  • What?
  • *****
  • Posts: 899
  • Gender: Male
  • No really, what?
  • Respect: +230
Lament to Peace
« on: April 25, 2012, 01:53:55 PM »
0
As I move across
The fields of thought
I go and toss
Myself to areas with danger fraught.
The compulsory urges;
The lethal purges.
Determination.
Liberation.
Occupation.
Extermination.
From the final throes of power,
Killed from the core,
Comes a feeling most sour
As the world descends to war.


Thoughts? Opinions? Better Titles?
« Last Edit: April 25, 2012, 02:04:20 PM by Captain Communism »

Offline Foofoojack

  • ******
  • Posts: 2604
  • Gender: Male
  • Ộ_Ộ
  • Respect: +546
Re: Lament to Peace
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2012, 03:39:47 PM »
0
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Anyway, very very nice.

Good work my friend

Offline Rocket50

  • ******
  • Posts: 2732
  • Gender: Male
  • My god it's dusty
  • Respect: +946
Re: Lament to Peace
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2012, 05:23:42 PM »
0
As I move across
The fields of thought
I go and toss
Myself to areas with danger fraught.
The compulsory urges;
The lethal purges.
Determination.
Liberation.
Occupation.
Extermination.
From the final throes of power,
Killed from the core,
Comes a feeling most sour
As the world descends to war.

The flow sounds decent when read, but the idea confuses me a bit.

From the beginning, it sounds like a soldier about to enter battle 'Myself to areas with danger fraught.'

'The compulsory urges;' I assume the instinct to kill in self-defence
The lethal purges.' Weapons
Determination.'
Liberation.
Occupation.
'Extermination.' The extermination of the enemy?

, but at the end, where 'the world descends to war' totally throws me off. Isnt the world already in war?
« Last Edit: May 31, 2012, 05:27:11 PM by Rocket50 »

Offline Captain Communism

  • What?
  • *****
  • Posts: 899
  • Gender: Male
  • No really, what?
  • Respect: +230
Re: Lament to Peace
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2012, 05:31:18 PM »
0
The flow sounds decent when read, but the idea confuses me a bit.

From the beginning, it sounds like a soldier about to enter battle 'Myself to areas with danger fraught.'

'The compulsory urges;' I assume the instinct to kill in self-defence
The lethal purges.' Weapons
Determination.'
Liberation.
Occupation.
'Extermination.' The extermination of the enemy?

, but at the end, where 'the world descends to war' totally throws me off. Isnt the world already in war?
The beginning is about human thought, actually. The determination is determination for freedom, then liberation from their (the citizens') oppressors, then occupation from those who were thought to be liberators, then extermination of those who step out of line.

The compulsory urges means bloodlust.

Lethal purges... kinda self-explanatory (Purging a country and whatnot)

As for the last part, it's about their (citizens) overthrowing of the oppressive government, and then the chaos that follows with anarchy.

Offline Rocket50

  • ******
  • Posts: 2732
  • Gender: Male
  • My god it's dusty
  • Respect: +946
Re: Lament to Peace
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2012, 05:32:37 PM »
0
The beginning is about human thought, actually. The determination is determination for freedom, then liberation from their (the citizens') oppressors, then occupation from those who were thought to be liberators, then extermination of those who step out of line.

The compulsory urges means bloodlust.

Lethal purges... kinda self-explanatory (Purging a country and whatnot)

As for the last part, it's about their (citizens) overthrowing of the oppressive government, and then the chaos that follows with anarchy.

Theres EXCEPTIONALLY little suggesting that

Offline Frank

  • Cunt Destroyer
  • ******
  • Windows UserOld Forum MemberDog LoverCat LoverDonator
    View More Badges!

  • Posts: 2977
  • Respect: +728
Re: Lament to Peace
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2012, 05:58:28 PM »
0
I don't believe you should receive suggestions for your works of art. Anything other than inspiration destroys art. It stops being art and instead becomes a work of satisfaction, and not of expression.