I'll be honest with everyone.
With myself. I honestly, can't be sure anymore that I'd go to heaven, if there is one. Not that I deny the existence, but how are we to know what lies after? If heaven and hell are what is after, be there an after, then I may just be in limbo. I've never killed anyone, but even by my standards, I'm no saint. But I'm no Son of Lucifer either ._.
If someone told me I could die today, any way I wanted, I'd do it. Not to sound depressing/creepy/sadistic etc but. That's my honest take on it.
Sure.
But, giving myself the Benefit of the Doubt, I would probably go to Heaven. I wouldn't ask for much, though. Just a day that always repeated.
June 27th, 1990.
It's a nice, round date.
Not too far back, not too far ahead.
There's no internet, but there are still the silly pagers.
It's still got some class. I actually can go outside, maybe even to the library and do more than sign out a book.
Hang out and shit later.
Who does that anymore? Stupid Internet, I forgot how to read a book.
Otherwise, I'll roam around as a lost soul.
I honestly wouldn't mind going to hell (Taking responsibility etc), but personally, Earth is enough hell already. It would be not much different except for absolutely no release from fear itself.
If Dying is Dying, then I am dead. There is nothing more. I rot, and become dust in the wind.
Imagine how trippy it would be if it was Reincarnation.
Or, presume that the Quantum Suicide Experiment is valid. Then, there is a chance that I will (This me, a me
typing this, a specific me, let's call that me
UNIT_5) observe a series of events via Quarks (etc) of the Living copy, and only the living copy alone by chance (Or on some purpose).
Then, I would live forever. No matter how much I asked for death, or how vain I will be/was/is, I won't die. I can't percieve death. It won't come to me and I won't ever be able to go to it. Unless the Universe suddenly ends for that copy, or the copy is destined to die anyways.
Personally, I Believe that the 'soul', and our conscious, is one... if it is a something, the it is also essentially energy. In a sense, if energy cannot be destroyed, and energy is almost in everything, then why are souls not energetic beings/essential versions of ourselves that can exist on a different plane, assuming that you can tie a soul to the electrical output of nerves?
What if, what if, what if, more what ifs.
I know that sounds Cliche. Ghosts, etc. But what if.
The whole "Going into the light thing". Obviously, that's the brain. You're dying, things are shutting down, your senses are fading,
Your Pupils are Dilating, and your Iris is cutting some srs slack.Wow, It's like the sun is right in front of me. Oh, wait.
But suppose that, as well, the chemical makeup (Or remnants of) stored inside your brain throughout your whole life experience are being mirrored into energetic signatures.
After your brain stops, it's released all that. Bye bye, mind. Bye bye, soul.
The soul may just phase out like Quarks or something. Randomly into another universe. Is that Heaven or hell? Who knows. It's silly.
Then now I was thinking about the chemical thing. If souls and feelings are just illusions. If we are all just matter.
Then what does it matter if we die. Nothing. We just do. Building blocks. Robots made of water. I act, but that's because of my environment and what I've attracted and absorbed.
Memories mean nothing, they just serve as warnings and instructions.
Huh. Makes me feel... better about life? That it has no meaning, when I think like that. Just do, don't think.
But back to the whole soul thing, Would being a different charge determine what happened to this soul, once the brain dispatched it after ceasing to function (dying)?
What is Dying?
Meh. I'm content with whatever goes down.
I always imagined that, if I had to die to what I thought was premature (or what people have taught me what was premature), I don't want traces of me left behind (my body). I'm declared
dead. I feel, that if I'm to cease to exist as a person, that includes my body, as it represented my physical self, or, if there is no soul, it was me. If I can't be alive. Then I don't exist.
UNIT has disconnected.
No ping. No 1's. Just 0's. Off.
Zero is a placeholder for nothing.You don't need to remember me. I didn't do anything worth while, anyways. I'm just like the other Trillion Men and Women who lie 6 ft under.
Honestly, I'd probably grab the nearest 100,000,000 TerraJoule Conductor and fry myself silly. My hands clamping onto the wire anyways because of the intense electrical stimulation, ofc.
Smells good.
One factor of why I like death by vapourization. Another factor for the Nuke? Because it's just a big, blinding fury of energy and heat. Exciting way to die.
And shooting yourself in the head? That's pretty silly. If you're going to die, why skip the dying part?
Shoot yourself in the arm or something and bleed out in shock and pain. I'd do that. It's probably worth something to remember how it felt/feel it, assuming there's something after.
Plus, really cool death commentary by your inner mind.
Otherwise, I think I'd either die in my sleep, or never die,
truly. I've just come so close to dying so many times.
I've actually almost been hit by a bullet, too. Scary times. I was a kid, even. I didn't even know what it was at the time.
Being honest, though, anything can happen. I
can be run over. Shot. Stabbed. Poisoned. Decompressed. Blown up, Fried, Drowned.
It might be as a brittle, ancient man in a tube. A brain in a jar. A zombie. Or a Cyborg. Or a Simulated copy. Or a soul trapped in a machine.
Or maybe time stops.
Or the Illusion of time.
Or reality.
Who knows.